Another suicidal Nigerian man left a note on his Facebook wall as a well the picture of the cocktail of he would use to end it all.
In the suicide note, the Osogbo, Osun State-based man who goes by the name Ayeni's JonZin on his profile, said he has fought for a long time to hang on but in the end, he has been defeated and can't take it any longer.
Begging for understanding from his friends, he said he knows the pains he is going to put them all through but that they should not feel too bad saying they do not deserve to be affected by his negativity.
He ended the note by saying:
'If you’re crying, please stop. What if my death is a glorious celebration? Could you celebrate it for me? Could all of you dance, and sing my favorite songs around my soulless body?
Again, please don’t cry. Don’t mourn. Don’t grieve. I am happy now. Happy. Truly happy. Believe this.'
Though many of the Facebook friends who responded to the note believe he is joking and should not take such joke too far, other think he needs help and those close to him should respond fast to save him from carrying out the threats.
Ayeni JonZin in happier times
Read his note here:
"Am sorry; I’m sorry to you and everyone who believed in me. I apologize profusely. You don't deserve seeing me in turmoil. You don't deserve to be affected by my negativity.
It hurts me even more, knowing what I put you through. The way you looked at me, afraid, helpless, hopeless. The way I stared back into your eyes, defeated.
Don’t be angry because this was nothing personal. Know that I’m gone because I chose to do so. For once, I finished something I started.
For once I was brave enough to go through with something risky and dangerous. Don’t be disappointed. I didn’t give up, no; on the contrary, all I ever wanted was a reason to persevere.
All I ever wanted was to really live, but I didn’t know how. Your lit up, elated smiling faces made me smile, although it broke my heart all at once. I felt bad and guilty because you loved me.
Your compassion pained me as much as it consoled me. I often wished that having you in my life, and all the other privileges I had, was enough. I believed in a higher entity, but I don’t think you like me anymore.
I think you often look down and cringe, embarrassed that I molded a mistake. Maybe I’m in hell right now, but you knew I never believed in hell. The concept was created to keep us on track and motivate us to do good.
What if the earth is hell? It sure felt that way. What if everything we wanted was actually nothing? What if all the things we think are tangible, are actually figments of our imagination?
What if life is actually death, and when we die we are truly alive? Wouldn’t that make more sense? For if this is life, surely some of us wouldn’t inexplicably yearn for death so badly?
I didn’t die because I wanted it to stop, although towards the end, I probably partially did. Please understand this. I did it because I had a burning desire in the depths of my soul for something more, a kind of wanderlust.
Who said death had to be this morbid? If you’re crying, please stop. What if my death is a glorious celebration?
The drugs Ayeni JonZin wants to use to kill himself
Could you celebrate it for me? Could all of you dance, and sing my favorite songs around my soulless body?
Again, please don’t cry. Don’t mourn. Don’t grieve. I am happy now. Happy. Truly happy. Believe this.
I love you."
Apart from the letter, JonZin also posted a photo of a cocktail of drugs he would use to kill himself.