Dear Sarah,

This issue has been bothering me and I will like you to please address it. Whenever I have sex with my partner, I find it hard reaching orgasm.

Dear anonymous,

If you’re sure that everyone else is having orgasms while you’re just waiting around, frustrated in your bed, here’s something that may ease your sexual frustration: A lot of women have trouble reaching orgasm.

It could be anything from negative self-talk, to intimacy issues, to side effects of medications that impact your libido. However, one common problem is: You haven’t gotten a chance to know yourself.

It’s very important for a woman to explore her own body and discover what she likes, what feels good, and how to have orgasms alone before engaging in sex with someone else.

Also, some conditions, like diabetes and multiple sclerosis, can affect nerves and thus orgasm potential. If you’re dealing with depression, certain antidepressants can also meddle with your ability to climax. Talk with your doctor about your options. You may benefit from drug-free therapies or other medications that don’t come with sexual side effects.

Self-pleasure can also be a good way to discover yourself and what works best for you. If you’ve never had an orgasm, start by just exploring on your own. But don’t make orgasm the end goal just yet.

Another factor that might be hindering your ability to climax is anxiety. Are you worried you aren’t good in bed? That you’ll come off as selfish? That pleasuring you will take too long? Your excitement needs to be louder than any anxiety. And if it’s really challenging to change those thoughts on your own, it can be helpful to go see a doctor to get to the root of the issue.

Try all the above tips and watch yourself reaching the big O like never before.