"For You I'll Give You For N500"

jonathan

June 3, 2014 11:20 AM

I am an Ajebutter. Not by birth, or by formings, or by swag – I am simply an unapologetic Ajebutter by default. I didn’t choose to be born one. God, without seeking my opinion (because He’s God, I guess), gave me the genes of an Ajebutter and a funny Bri-Merican accent . By luck or some twisted work of fate, fortune, Karma (I might have killed ten defenseless puppies in my past life) or destiny, I have found myself in Lagos, crazy Lasgidi, and this is my story…

On Sunday I, Joey Akan, bought my first umbrella, and I felt a deep sense of joy. It was not much much to look at, dull, possessing an uninspired shade of blue, with much duller black at the helm. But ironically, those dull colours made my heart brighten with contentment and pride.

Buying this umbrella didn't come easy. I had to step out of the house on a Sunday without the Sun, braved the steady drizzle of the Lagos sky, suffered the splash of water and filth from the passing vehicles whose drivers showed nothing approaching compassion and concern for we poor pedestrian folks. But still I trudged on with purpose.

My umbrella, my dear umbrella, cost me N500. As umbrellas come, that price was a bit steep, but I didn't find it in me to haggle in the rain. Also it didn't help the Igbo man in me, that the Hausa seller had the classic look of a benign uncle who stared into my eyes and said sincerely with a thick northern accent:

"For you, I'll give you for N500".

'For Me'...I loved the way he put it. Like I was some long time buddy of his, who he was trying to help as a friend, due to the bond we share. I knew he was ripping me off. Of course, but I was helpless.

After that, I found my way to Surulere and noisy solitude, seated at the Adeniran Ogunsanya Shopping mall , Lagos, with a fast-emptying bottle of REDD'S Vodka Lemon, across the inviting KFC fast food joint, I'm hugging my darling umbrella and writing this piece, and suddenly I have an 'Aha' moment. The moment when all things fit together, and the meaning of certain cosmic truths become distinct.

Only this time, I slowly understood why my dull new umbrella gave me so much joy.

It was a symbol of how far I've come as an individual. I no longer need to wait for the rain, and try to sneak around. I took responsibility, and got me an umbrella to fight the forces of nature. To carve my own fate, and influence my destiny.

With each step of the way, that becomes clear. With each drop of heaven-sent moisture that hit my umbrella, the picture becomes a shade clearer.

This is the life I live...and that I'll always live. Me, my umbrella, my pen and maybe something new and symbolic.

Peace and Good Hustle. See you next Tuesday.

jonathan