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Lucky ordinary you! Nigerian celebrities live horrible lives this Christmas

While you have loved ones all around you this Christmas, their smiles lighting up your waking moments, celebrities have their work crew with them, pushing them beyond their limits in the pursuit of money.

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  play At Christmas, celebrities have to make money, or they will end up like Tonto Dikeh in character; making money the ordinary way. (Stella Dimoko Korkus)

Christmas is here again with all its trappings and fun, and we can’t seem to have enough of the merriment. Gifts change hands, sonorous songs stream from our stereos, kitchens get stocked, and stomachs get stuffed.

But not for celebrities. A celebrity at Christmas is a whore. Yes you read that correctly. A whore for money.

A celebrity’s life at Christmas isn’t a life of joy and happiness. It is one of immense work, jetlag, painkillers, expectations, contracts, appearances, performances, exhaustion and loneliness. While you have loved ones all around you, their smiles lighting up your waking moments, celebrities have their work crew with them, pushing them beyond their limits in the pursuit of money.

The festive season is made for events. Big budget events that draw crowds in their millions, and celebrities in their numbers. The singers and actors are needed to make these shows a success.

I have had the privilege of picking the brains of many celebrities, and each one I ask about Christmas, they dismiss it with a measure of arrogance and say, ‘there is no Christmas for me, na so so show I go dey attend.” Then I notice something more. At that moment, a fleeting look of desperate longing moves across their eyes. It’s a longing for normalcy and the simple things at Christmas. They miss their lives, and they long for it.

But no. they can’t afford the luxury of not attending shows and making money via performance and appearance fees. Sure they have the choice of screaming ‘to hell with everything’ and travelling to be with their loving families. But they risk becoming broke.

A broke celebrity is like a leper. The stigma is worse than being the victim of some contagious terminal disease. Without money, a celebrity encounters a number of problems. First, they cannot maintain the unrealistic standards of living that society expects from them. They cannot eat at normal restaurants, board commercial vehicles, buy clothes at popular bargain spots, or even walk the street freely. But that’s the simple part of being broke.

The worst of it comes from their colleagues. Celebrities are quick to spot other broke celebrities, and they make a pledge to avoid them at all costs. Once a celebrity goes broke, other celebrities flee for their lives. They talk, and spread rumours about the financial state of their colleague. Many drink to it, and vainly beat their chests, with pride. Pride in the knowledge that they aren’t broke. Not yet.

With so much on the line, nobody wants to lose a chance at getting money at Christmas, via the punishing performance schedules, long hour flights, painkiller addiction, exhaustion, and self-doubts. The other option is worse than this. Thye have spent all year praying for clients, and with this festive season comes immense work.

Celebrities do not have lives at Christmas. They are whores, chasing money with every ounce of their being. Thy do this not because they want to, but as a matter of necessity.

You are lucky not to be a celebrity at Christmas.

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