"Simple guidelines on how to not suck if you are a bank in Nigeria"

coco olorunfemi

September 9, 2015 5:24 PM

This is an exclusive blog post by Drahcir Yelsknat. "...Waiting in line is for chumps. If I need to do something at a bank, 95% of the transaction will be done online..."

Nigerian banking hall

Let's begin.

Ex-employees of banks should not be hired. Nobody who has ever worked at a bank can understand how terrible banks are and will surely bring the terribleness with them.
Bank employees are prohibited from ever asking a customer what their account number is. Account numbers are for the convenience of the bank so they can keep track of their customers. I am a customer, I have a name. If you can't find my account from my name than you don't care about me and annoy me.
Customers should never fill out a paper form or any form for that matter. All account openings should be online and my data should be pulled from my Facebook, LinkedIn or gmail account (with my permission and then verified by me) If I am a current customer and I want to open a new account, the form I fill out online will be auto-populated with all the information that you already know about me. People hate forms.
Customers should never wait in line at a physical location. Waiting in line is for chumps. If I need to do something at a bank, 95% of the transaction will be done online, with my mobile, or at a computer kiosk at the bank. While I wait for the bank to process my request, I go shopping or get a coffee next door. A text message alerts me when the bank is ready for me.
Pens and pencils are prohibited inside the bank. All transactions, customer notes, documentation, etc. is done on a computer system. Similarly, paper is prohibited. All receipts are sent via e-mail and/or stored in the bank's mobile app on my smartphone.
I will never write my name and account activity in a book that sits on the counter. What year is this, 1746?
Checks are prohibited. What is this 1717?
Bank employees are prohibited from wearing ties. Ties are contrary to innovation, friendliness, and making people comfortable. Bank employees will be comfortable and in turn will make our customers feel comfortable.
Banks should be open when people are not working. How can you make money to put in the bank if you are always at the bank when you should be working. Banks should be open on Saturday and until 7pm on week days.
The privacy of customers is very important. Banks should never share any personal or account information with anyone unless forced to do so by a court of law and only then after informing the customer first.