10 tech trends that need to die with 2014

In the spirit of the new year and resolutions, here are some tech trends that have crept into our everyday existence, that should die with 2014, according to Techsuplex:

1. Selfie Stick: All this stress for a low quality, 2 megapixel photo? How about ask the person who took this photo for a shot? Do you know how ridiculous those things look? Whatever happened to asking someone around to take the picture? Or timed shots? Regardless of how you look at it, it’s hard to justify how ridiculous you have to first look to squeeze out a few low quality, almost good-for-nothing selfies. And even if your life depended on a selfie, you are better off getting a standalone camera like Sony’s Qx 10 or Qx 100. Let’s bury the selfie stick with 2014 please.

2. Tablet Wedding Photography: No. Just no. Heck no! In fact, the only good reason to have a tablet at a wedding, is if:

They are laxatives.
You have your Holy Bible or Holy Quran on them and you have to reference them during the wedding.
If there is a premiership match going on and the band/Dj is dulling.
If you have prior intel that the food won’t be served on time and you need to keep busy.
You are tired of it and want it stolen.
Same goes for sporting events, shows, etc.

3. Wall hugging: If you carry a charger around in your pocket or bag, and pull it out every single time there is a socket in sight, you know you basically have a landline right? Wall huggers tell us two things about themselves. They need to get new phones, and/or they need to start paying their light bills. If your device can’t do 6 hours straight on one charge, you need a new device. If it can do 6 hours straight on one charge, but you still carry a charger about, you have trust issues.

4. Typing like a retard: Xup ppl, can we nt typz lik deez nxt yr? Ahgrid? Toinks.

5. Taking calls on Tablets: From a safety perspective, if you put a tablet up to your face to take a phone call, you block at least a third of your vision, which is bad because you never know what might be coming at you from that area. Blocking your line of sight also means that you might miss out on some funny stuff…like someone using a shovel to eat rice…or maybe just a mirror.

6. Bluetooth Earpiece: If you still wear an earpiece outside a car (most new cars even let you take the calls from the dashboard) and you have two functional hands, we're not certain what you are still trying to prove by flaunting technology from at least 10 years ago. There is no way you can argue that it’s a functionality thing. If phone calls were more functional via bluetooth earpieces, we won’t have phones, we’ll have earpieces. Seriously, how lazy can you be not to be able to hold a phone to your ear?Nothing says local champion like a bluetooth earpiece. Stop it.

7. “Have you sent the email yet” Phone calls: It probably cost you more money to call people asking whether they have sent “the email yet”, than it would have cost you to have push email to your device. Common, it’s 2014! Opera mini is cool and all, but if you’re still refreshing Opera mini to check your email, you should kneel down and hands up by the corner…and close your eyes.

8. Starting conversations with a “PING!!!”: There is already a long essay about why you shouldn’t start conversations with a “Ping”. The long and short of it, is that it is rude and annoying so, let’s end it with this year please.

9. kfb: Lol. Please stop.

10. Nigerian Startups and the 170 million market: Your actual market is never going to be the entire population of the country. Even companies that sell essential stuff…like water, don’t have 100 million users. Stop quoting that 170 million as your “potential market” please. It shows how little you know about running a business, and you will be surprised how many have lost funding opportunities by having that statement on their decks.

There are probably a lot more that should make the list, like how everyone’s side hustle is a “startup” and how developers must have a pair of corduroy pants, but let’s keep the list at 10 for now.

Here’s wishing you an awesome year ahead.