My teenager has a boyfriend

yinka ogunlami

June 5, 2017 4:02 PM

Just as I was drifting in and out of lah-lah land, I heard the all-too-familiar beep- the alert from my counseling page.

Expressing Grief.

It was a long day; I was finally safely snuggled in bed, after a hot bath and a mug of Horlicks. Yes, Horlicks, for the first time. Maybe I was determined to prove their advert wrong!

Just as I was drifting in and out of lah-lah land, I heard the all-too-familiar beep- the alert from my counseling page. My eyes popped open. I had to confirm that it wasn’t an SOS from a child. Thank heavens it wasn’t! It was an SOS , all the same– from a parent. I turned on the lights and logged in to read her message. Susan (that’s what I choose to call her) was understandably distraught. She just found a “love letter in her daughter’s school bag, she is 13 years old, by the way. Hmmm..Susan must have gone through series of emotional experiences.

That initial shock and numbness that pre-empts the required processing of the brain. How did we get here? This maybe followed with anger, even rage, and a desire to slap the “nonsense” out of your daughter immediately! Then “horror!” what if “she is sexually active? Oh my baby”. Then comes another wave of emotions. Guilt…have I been there for her? Did I raise her right?

Isn’t it amazing how a parent in this kind of situation is confronted with a cocktail of unanswerable questions?

My Advice? As long as you are in this “ Thunderstorm” , DO NOTHING .. You wont make a wise decision in this condition. You will have to CALM ( beeni) DOWN! I know that sounds like Japanese but it is what it is. After you yell, scream, slap and whatever else, her, she STILL HAS A BOYFRIEND! Now what are we going to do? This is why you need calmness, so that you can think. And also because you will need to talk with your daughter. Susan was confused about this.

Apart from usual greetings, Susan and Hauwa hardly spoke with each other .Now, that is a big problem. As a matter of fact, that could be a major reason for this situation in the first place! Communication within the family unit is a major requirement for the development of the total child.

It acts as a lubricant for the relationship and teenagers with a great family relationship are known to be emotionally stable, not seeking some form of connection outside the home (at least not at this age).

How do you begin to talk to a child that you had no “solid “ relationship with about “matters of the heart?”

AuntyBspeaks.com gud to talk

yinka ogunlami