First Love is a weekly series that captures the emotions people felt, and the motions they went through the first time they tried being in a relationship.
Today’s subject is an unconventional 26-year-old babe who argues that your first love doesn’t have to happen before or even with your first relationship. It could happen later, she says. Much much later.
Tell me the first time you knew you were crushing on someone
Ahhhh, I remember this one wella. I was in secondary school, about to resume SS1.
Went to spend the break at my family house and there was this fine boy that was a strange face amongst my childhood friends in the area. He sha used to come to our house a lot and I liked him because he was a fine boy (still is). We got talking. We did all that night call parole and other silly things. It was fun while it lasted sha. Went back to school and everything just fizzled away.
How about the first person you had a crush on?
One boy like that when I was in primary school but I didn’t know what it was then.
Primary school. Mad. What do you remember of that?
Nothing much. I know I liked being around him a lot. We were in the same class but had different seat partners. The moment our class teacher leaves for another class, we make our partners sit with each other so we can be partners.
Interesting. Tell me about your first ever boyfriend
There were about three secondary school flings but my first serious relationship sha was in 200/300 level. Didn’t last long though. We had a lot of communication issues so we broke up.
Sorry about that
I am not.
Wow. Please be calming down ma.
Oya tell me how you guys met
Church. I lived a basic triangle life while in school so I only used to meet people in class that time. So he came to join my unit and we started talking, and from there we just hit it off.
Sounds like y’all had a good thing at the beginning
Well, maybe. I liked him no doubt but it was more of ‘I didn’t want to be left out of the whole relationship parole’ because I was the only one amongst my friends who was single. I wasn’t looking for anything serious per se but we started off well until communication became an issue along the line. It became worse during the ASUU strike. I couldn’t go on pretending that I was cool with it when we resumed so I broke up with him. The whole thing was about 9-10months.
And most of it was a 6-month strike?
How were you guys as a couple?
We were just okay honestly, nothing major, nothing interesting.
You don't sound too excited looking back at that time at all
Nah, I am not. We could have both saved ourselves the stress honestly. Presently, we are cordial. No bad blood between us. We talk once in while especially on birthdays and other special occasions.
How old were you?
I was 20 and he was 23.
How did that breakup feel?
I might sound mean or harsh but it honestly didn’t hurt for me. I was over it before I eventually broke up with him. He was actually very pained about it and wasn’t expecting it. He actually tried to talk me into reconsidering but I was done. It was stressful seeing him regularly at first but that was because I was angry with myself for letting myself get pressured and seeing him always reminded me of how stupid I was. I dealt with my own feelings and got along with him later on.
Would you say that relationship taught you anything?
That communication is key in any relationship and if you’re not happy, just move. It might not make sense to people around you and it really doesn’t matter if they get it, it’s your life. Plus, not all likeness should end in relationships.
Was there sex?
I am assuming sex here means our Nigerian meaning, penetration and stuff....nah, we weren’t. Just did stuff here and there.
Cool. What was your experience with sex before then?
Nobody gave me any heads up. Only thing I knew was if I had sex I was gonna get pregnant. There were a lot of teen parents where I grew up, I didn’t want to be one so I held on to that. I started learning about sex after then and it was basically books, friends, movies and just random readings online.
Go back in time. What would you do differently in that relationship?
Honestly I wouldn’t have let it switch to a relationship. I'd have just enjoyed being his friend.
What dating opinions did you have then that you’re ashamed of now?
That it’s the woman’s responsibility to make a relationship work.That a woman/love can change a man. That it’s only what a man wants for his wife that matters. Gosh, I was really stupid mehn. That there’s ‘the one’ for everybody, that women always need to play hard to get.. Leemao. See ehn, let’s just thank God for growth.
Lmao. Would you still date this your first love?
Does a first relationship equate first love? If yes, my answer is no and if the answer is no, my answer is still no because he is married now.
Oh chill. This your first boyfriend is not your first love?
No. I don’t regard him as that.
Wow. That’s new. Why not?
Well, because I didn’t love him. Like I said; the relationship happened only because I let myself feel peer pressure.
Interesting. Just to be clear, your first love came after your first real relationship?
Tell me about him then
It’s the best I have had so far. Just after I left uni. Funny how it was a long distance relationship that never seemed so. It was the relationship that made me believe that no matter how busy a person is, they’ll make time for you always. It taught me the little patience I have, how to better communicate with my partner, to be open-minded and expressive with my feelings. And by long distance, I mean Nigeria/USA. And when we broke up, it was the most painful thing ever. Had to stop talking for months to get over it. I ask immediately now once I know I am liking a guy, to avoid stories that touch. I was far too gone before we found out we were both AS.
Yes. It does.
Have you been able to date since this?
Well, I finally did two years after and both relationships I tried after him ended in a few months. Let’s just say I have experienced better so I can’t settle for less.
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