There’s plenty to disagree, but one thing for certain – couples who argue actually have healthier relationships (this study proves it).
The two of you bring up a problem, fight, and resolve it amicably like adults. But why is talking about sex in a relationship hard?
Especially when it comes to sexual problems. You worry you’re belittling your partner or you don’t feel it’s right to complain about something he does. Why is it easier to talk about dirty dishes than about what went wrong last night in bed?
Gigi Engle, a certified sex coach, educator and writer advises couples to be more open about the topic of sex. Here’s what she has to say.
Talking about sex in a relationship feels taboo
The topic of sex always feels taboo for some reason. We grow up thinking sex is something to be ashamed or embarrassed about, and we can’t talk about it openly with friends. It’s easy to bring up holiday plans with your best friend, but it seems like a struggle to mention anything to do with sex.
But if something wrong happens during sex, it’s common for both parties not to talk about it.
For instance, if your man doesn’t get hard, or if you don’t want to go down on him, or either if you don’t get an orgasm. But it’s a problem you don’t talk about with hubby or vice versa.
We live in a society that doesn’t like talking about sex in a relationship, and would rather stay silent and have bad sex than even mention the word. Why?
You’re scared to be judged
Why do we dislike talking about sex? Why do we feel embarrassed when the topic comes up? And why do people still get excited when we see kissing scenes in the cinema?
Maybe it’s because you or your husband doesn’t want to be found out or judged for not knowing enough about sex. For example, if you don’t know anything about football, you wouldn’t feel comfortable talking about “offsides”, right? You don’t want to be put in those shoes, so you’d rather just walk away from it.
But sex isn’t the same as football. It’s something loving that you share with your husband. Both of you should be open to talking about all kinds of issues, problems and fantasies with one another, big or small.
Speaking of fantasies. Maybe you want your husband to dominate you in bed, or the other way around. But you’re afraid to bring it up because you worry he doesn’t feel the same, or he thinks you’re a weirdo for even suggesting the topic.
You’re scared to lose him (and he’s scared to lose you)
Perhaps you don’t want to talk about sex because you worry you will lose the one you love. Especially if you want to bring up something you don’t like, or what he can improve on in bed.
This is further from the truth. Maybe he feels the same way.
Both of you should be open enough to talk about anything, including sex. Sure, there might be sadness and tears, but just because you want more oral sex it doesn’t mean your husband will leave you. If they do, that’s because of a bigger relationship issue beyond sex.
Let’s talk about sex
There are many studies that show that if you start talking about sex in a relationship, you will end up happier together.
Bring up the topic when you’re with husband alone. Talk about why it’s important that the two of you converse about sex. Don’t be afraid, speak your mind and be open as possible about your desires, worries and needs.
Build a sense of trust with your spouse so both of you can speak up about things pertaining to sex that’s been on both your minds. It all starts when someone opens their mouth.
You’re with your husband for the rest of your life, so it’s important to be open always.
This article was first published on AfricaParent.com