What and what should your partner know about your ex?

The A-Z of telling the next about the ex.

What and what should your partner know about your ex? [Credit: Shutterstock]

But, really, how possible is that? How do you date someone or even people for long periods, your life and theirs intertwined at several phases, and then never have to talk about them ever again because of a new person who comes along after they have become history?

Being asked to shut out part of your history so as to not annoy or upset a partner is actually not cool. Any partner with whom you have to tiptoe around the whole subject of exes might be one to be worried about. If the idea that you’ve been with other people repulses them, they really shouldn’t be dating or trying to get with you! If he or she likes you, they should have no qualms with your past provided that you’re in a better place in the present.

That being said, while one should not always have to hide their past relationships in order to get another, there’s also a way to talk to your partner about your exes and old relationships. Below, we list the rules guiding this:

If you’re always talking about your ex, you are causing a problem for yourself. It is ok for your partner to have a knowledge that there was once a person in your life, it is not ok if you make it a regular affair to bring him or her up in your conversations with your present partner.

When you mention the great things about your ex to your partner, do so in a calm, controlled way. You don’t need to say, “He was such a smart guy. Oh my god seriously, he was a genius.” You can stick with, “He was intelligent.”

Even if it’s a fact and you know it, your partner deserves the respect of not knowing that that is how you feel. It is better to not even date someone than to date them and constantly put them in the shadow of an ex.

No one needs to hear this, surely not your partner. Don’t ever paint graphic pictures of your sexual activity with your ex to your partner. There is certain biological programming within him or her that cannot stand to listen to this.

Sure, that is allowed. Speaking occasionally about past relationships and how they helped form the strength of your character, the kindness of your words and the wise approach you now take to things… that’s not a bad thing to do.

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