Dear Bukky,

Hello I’m a Muslim lady from part of North West and a widow. I started a relationship with a man less than three months ago but later on I realized that he wants only a physical relationship which I don't believe in. The problem is that I am already madly in love with him.

I don't believe in having sex before marriage and the problem now is I’m going overseas for a year course so I’m very confused now since there is no issue of marriage. The moment I leave the country, I fear he will find someone else that will keep him company. What will I do now? Please advise me.____________

Dear reader,

You cannot eat your cake and have it, I’m afraid. This relationship isn’t for you clearly; trying so desperately to hold on to it is basically you just expending and investing your emotions in a place from where you’ll get nothing good in return.

If you are anti-premarital-sex, then being with a guy who can’t do without it won’t work for you. I understand that you are in love, but that can go away if you do not dwell on it. Let it go.

Use this upcoming journey as a way of getting away from him. You should be glad for the opportunity the journey affords you, actually. Because, in my opinion, forgetting him is what you need. Stop bothering about what he does or does not do when you are gone, focus on letting go of the him and the relationship. It is not the right one for you.

A relationship that does not meet your needs, or align with your core values is bound to fail. Forget all the syrupy feelings and the heady emotions, when it comes down to the nitty gritty of it, this is what matters most._____________

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