‘Women Teach Sex’ is a weekly series designed to capture the thoughts of everyday Nigerian women on sexual health, pleasure and what women expect good sex to be and feel like.
Premature ejaculation is primarily a man’s problem. But by association, many women know one or two things about the frustration and abject disappointment it comes with. Today’s #WomenTeachSex subject was once at the center of this; and she gets brutally, hilariously honest about the toll it takes on your physical, mental and emotional wellbeing when you’re with a man like that.
What was your introduction to sex like?
Introduction? Nollywood. They made it seem so glamorous. And I should mention that there was a point in my life when I thought that kissing someone for long meant you've had sex. LMAO.
What about the actual first time you tried having sex?
Ah. Is this a safe space?
Very very safe.
Ok. Because the first time ever, I was like 7 or so, and it was with my bestie, a girl. We just kissed for a bit but like I said, in my head, that was sex. But for when I had sex with a complete knowledge of what I was doing, I think it was when I was 20. It was.with my then boyfriend. There was no prior planning or anything. It was very spontaneous. And just as uneventful lmao.
Lol, you like gist. Anyway, it was one random evening o, I was chilling and watching “White Collar”, and the lead actor, Neil Caffery, bobo yen hanz, so I was already happy if you know what i mean, *wink wink*. Sha he came to sit by my side and was saying things I don't remember right now, then started touching my thighs. A bell just rang in my head that yes, today is the day. Cloud 9, here I come! But in less than 5 minutes, everything was over. Rubbish. And the mattress was on the floor o. LOL. I don suffer sha.
LMAO. Did you have any expectations beforehand?
Yeah, I had expectations to get to cloud 9. LOL. But of course, that didn't happen
So what’s your sex life like these days?
It's beautiful. I have been more open with my sexual preferences, fantasies.
About fantasies, care to share on that?
Yeah, considering all the rubbish sex I've had, I deserve good things now abeg. And I'm taking it all. Men that sabi the work, studs that know how to lay the pipe, three way action - preferably MWW, Subtle BDSM, etc. All that stuff.
Hear you. Let’s talk about premature ejaculation
See, guy. I have things to say o.
Sure. For starters, how bad was your experience with it?
Omo. It was bad, bad. You know this song? 2 seconds everything don burst? Yeah. That was exactly how it was.
What was your initial reaction to discovering that?
I wan mad. E pain me.
Lmao. Dun vex. What was the relationship like before you found out?
It was really good. There was mad sexual tension you know, sparks and passion and everything in anticipation. When it now happened and everything burst, it was just like oh wow, sigh, na wa o, na him be dis? Lol. No more excitement o. Sex now became a chore
How long did this go on for?
Lol surprise surprise, over a year oh. He was a really good person.
I’m interested in knowing how he felt about the situation?
He was not happy about it now, obviously. But he wasn't defensive. What do you want to be defensive about there? He was a little bit insecure about it sha. But to be fair, second round usually lasted longer but still…
It didn’t cut it?
No it didn’t.
Men like that may often have interesting excuses. What was his?
Lmao. At first it was "I'm just too excited" then it changed to "your pum is something, something..." Wo, oga, abeg.
I’m howling. How was the whole situation for you though?
It was frustrating honestly, I cried one time sef. I was very unsatisfied but we are grateful for dildos and silicon dicks.
I assume you crying mid-knacks would have been awkward AF
See, you know I said he's a very good person, very sensitive too, so I couldn't hurt him like that. When I started crying and he was asking what's wrong, I just took the cry up a notch and started saying my tummy was aching, and my head too, and that that was the cause of my tears. I couldn't afford to break him like that. He would have been too hurt.
I’m assuming you had to fake one or two orgasms. Did it get to that?
Yes, it got to that but to be fair, foreplay was really good, so that helped. I'm not very good at making false sounds o, I don't know how to pretend so I go just dey chest am.
Mad. What was straw that broke the camel’s back?
Nothing really happened o. There was no particular moment of sudden decision to pack up and leave or anything of the sort. I guess at some point, I just realised that I liked sex more than what I was getting, and that I’d really love to enjoy and not endure it and that i didn't want to do this arrangement forever.
So you bounced.
Yup. So I bounced.
In all of this, how were you actually getting pleasure?
Dildos o, dildos. Also sis, if you are reading this, learn your body and how to pleasure it by yourself. Everything else is a bonus.
Any tricks you guys learnt to at least, prolong the sessions a bit?
I don't know if he has found tricks now but while I was there, nothing.
What would your advice be to men suffering the same right now?
Seek medical help please. It's nothing to be ashamed of.
Random question: how long should a round of sex last?
To each their own, but for me, like 2 hours. Not penetration, sex. The whole shebang.
Baddest. How would you rate your sex skills?
Pro max. Lmao. On a scale of 10, maybe 8 sha.
Which do you prefer: the man being more experienced at sex or the woman?
Both abeg. Everyone deserves pleasure.
What’s something you would teach men about sex if you could gather them all in one place?
Please learn your partner's body, please! Just because jumoke likes it one way doesn't mean Joke will, too. Sex no be one size fits all.
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