Social media is awash today, June 28 2019, with a conversation that borders on rape and sexual assault – and smack in the middle of this is Busola Dakolo, the wife of singer, Timi, who has accused Biodun Fatoyinbo, the pastor of Community of Zion Assembly aka COZA, of raping her while she was a teenager.
Unsurprisingly, a raging storm has been kicked up off Busola’s story. There are opinions, numerous of them, being dropped in shock as people try to grasp the import of her revelation. The recurrence of accusations against the Pastor has also been spotlighted in no small measure. Recall that Pastor Fatoyinbo was accused of adultery in 2013 by Ese Walter-Ark. There is now increasing talk of a protest to be staged across his churches on Sunday.
Other Pastors, albeit lesser and less-prominent ones, are also being called out by people they have allegedly raped. That is the extent of the smoke we have in the air as a result of Busola’s expose.
One more thing that needs spotlighting amidst all of this is how much of a rock Timi is being for his wife in the situation.
Long before Busola sat with YNaija for this interview, recall that Timi already called out the Pastor back in May; saying among other things that the “church is supposed to fix broken people and not crush people who show up in church needing God.”
In retrospect, that was Timi standing up for his wife and what is an apparent injustice perpetuated against her even long before he came into the picture, and it is such a lovely thing to see, regardless of the dreary circumstance that necessitated it.
His supportive stance is the sort of thing marriages are ideally made of. It is the sort of staunch loyalty that everyone needs to picture in their minds when they’re swearing to be there for their spouse in easy and difficult times. Because, frankly, it really doesn’t get a lot more difficult than this.
Some may say the standard has been dropped so low and that is why Timi’s actions are getting applause at all; or that lauding him for doing something already expected of a husband is tantamount to praising a mail man for delivering letters. But of course, knowing the right thing and doing the right thing are two different things.
Yes, mail men are meant to deliver mails, but some mail men are better than others at doing their jobs and as such should get credit for it.
Most importantly, whether or not people have been living up to expectation in this regard does not change the fact that he stood by his wife when he should… when it was absolutely needed.
The man is not at the center of the conversation today but it is not hard to imagine that it is his understanding and support which has, in a way [even if minutely] added to the strength and bravery his wife had to come forth with this hurtful, sad story.
In a culture that is all about repression, suppression, saving faces and letting sleeping dogs lie especially on issues as this, Timi Dakolo obviously understands the importance of talking as a necessary step to finding personal healing and assisting the community by naming, shaming and blowing the whistle on sexual predators in order that potential victims are sufficiently warned and subsequent occurrences are curbed.
If Timi had been bad sport about hearing about his wife’s ordeal, isn’t it possible that all of this would be impossible? Imagine him doubting her, judging her, or worse, acknowledging her story but asking her to seal it up and not saying anything. Just imagine if the support from him was not this obvious and spurring…
Now any of this is not to say that Busola could not have done this on her own; but we cannot also discredit the extra strength that comes from knowing that you are not alone in a difficult period, and that the people closest to you are not leaving you to fight your battles all by yourself.
By obviously being supportive especially in this instance where many others may have preferred to avoid altogether, Timi Dakolo shows what it means to be a supportive partner in the good times and more importantly, in the bad and sets a good example for anyone wondering what it means to stand by a partner when the going isn’t so good.