He called me a prostitute when we broke up; should I take him back?

Dear Bukky,

I’m a single mother of one. I met a guy and we dated for 14 months. He loves my daughter so much and always provides her with everything she needs. He even confessed to love my daughter more than he loves me. That’s why I love him because of the love he has for my daughter.

Last month I called him early in the morning and a woman picked and told me that she was married to my fiancé and they already have one kid. I’ve been asking this guy like a thousand times whether he is married or has any kid but he always denied. After I realized he was married, we exchanged bitter words.

First he lied to me that his wife had left him after she found out about my relationship with him. I begged him to come back to me but he insulted me saying that I am the cause of the break up with his wife of one year and that he doesn't love me.

He says I am a prostitute and he got more than what he wanted from me so he has nothing to do with me. He told me he will do anything to make his wife come back to him. I told him to forgive me if he felt I was the cause of the breakup of his marriage and promised never to contact each other again. After some days, his wife came back.

He kept calling asking me how I had been faring despite warning him never to. Now he has started calling, saying that he wants to divorce his wife and get back to me because he has realized that the relationship can't work and that I am the love of his life.

I have already started seeing another man but I still love my ex so much. I am confused whether to give him another chance or leave him and continue with this man I have met although I don't love him.

How can I prove that he really means his words or he wants to use me again like he did and leave me? Kindly advise me what to do. Please hide my identity.______________

Dear reader,

I know you love this man and all the things his presence in your life brings, but I really think you shouldn’t get back with him. As far as I am concerned, he does not deserve another chance as he’s likely to do it again.

If he could keep his marital status from you for a whole year despite the constant inquiries and desire to know the truth, I think he’s capable of doing worse. It really does take a crazy level of numbness to be able to lie so brazenly for that long. If you ask me whether or not to take him back, I’ll say no. And I know this may be a bitter pill to swallow because of the love you have for him as well as the desire to see your daughter happy with someone she’s already familiar with.

However, when someone shows tendencies of lies, gaslighting, emotional unintelligence and such levels of instability as he has shown, I think it is only wise to let common sense prevail and let him go.

Knowing how love works, though, doing the logical thing may not be so appealing to you. And sincerely, the logical thing may not even be the real answer. I admit this despite the common sense approach I advise above.

What you need to know is that deciding to go back to him is a huge risk. There’s no way to know he won’t do it again. There’s actually no way to know if he won’t use you again like he has done before. The ball is in your court. I hope you do what’s best for you.________________Do you want to talk about your love life, marriage or family issues?

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