Dear Bukky,

I have issues with my girlfriend. She is afraid of sex. We do all the foreplay, and she enjoys it. She enjoys oral sex more.

The problem is whenever she gets very high and wants sex, she pushes me away. Even when I hold her firmly and tell her to calm down, she keeps using a lot of force to push me.

What should I do because this has gone on for some good two years now. At first I thought she would get used to me but nothing has changed. I need your advice please.


Dear reader,

I think this could be an offshoot of some traumatic experience she went through at some earlier point in her life. Have you ever tried to ask her if she has lived through such an experience?

Understandably, sharing such harrowing experience may be difficult for her and this is why you have to be calm and understanding when doing it.

Another thing is to ask her to seek medical attention or to see a counsellor/therapist because, if we are being absolutely sincere, this is not normal behaviour. Be willing to help her go through these phases if you really care. It’s been two years, anyway, and with all the time invested already, it makes sense to try and follow through even more. Be her rock if she’s willing to go through with that plan

If, on the other hand, she won’t accept that she has a problem then I would advise you get out of the relationship. You would better be served leaving her than staying only to be cheating on her or being sexually frustrated.


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