My First Love: Long distance and religious differences killed our vibe

In today's edition, our subject, a 27-year-old media babe, nostalgiates on the first time she tried a relationship, the novelty of that romance, and all the lessons she consciously and unconsciously took from it.

So, your first boyfriend. When and how did it happen?

Lmao. Long story short, I think we first met on 2go, yeah. We met in a 2go room. I can’t remember which.

I don’t think that even matters now.

I know right. So we met there, we started talking on 2go then we became friends on Facebook as well. He was an only child and he would joke that he was looking for a younger sister to adopt and I was looking for an older brother to adopt because I was tired of this first born life. So we decided to adopt each other as siblings.

Lol. What?!

Yeah, I know. Very ridiculous. So, yeah, we moved from 2go to BBM. One random day we were just gisting and somehow we ended up talking about girls that toast guys. You know, babes that make first moves and all. So he was like if I was to chyke a guy, how would I go about it? I can’t remember half the shit I said but I sha said one thing one thing and yeah, that was the first thing anything of the sort had come up and the conversation just kinda died there. But the next day, he then asked me like, all those things you said yesterday, do you mean them? And I was like, uhmmmm, hellooo… duh!

So you literally shot the shot that landed you your very first relationship? What’s there to not stan, please?

Abeg. In the end, he made the move to be honest. I was just completing a ‘dare.’

So you literally shot the shot that landed you your very first relationship? Respect. [Credit - Giphy] Giphy/Twitter

No need to be humble. Let us stan you, please.

Na you sabi. Anyway he sha sent me one message like that, talmbout it’d be nice if we actually did this, I’ll be the happiest man on earth… you know all the lies you men tell women now.

I know no such thing but go on.

Anyway, me too I was now like ‘ahn, it won’t be such a bad idea.’ I’m not exactly someone who likes the idea of someone constantly being in my space so it worked for me because he was faraway in the east. It meant that I could live the life of finally having a boyfriend. I could have a boyfriend but not have a boyfriend. I could have someone I could call a boyfriend but not necessarily be fully committed. Shey you feel me?

I feel you. So how did it go?

It was good until it wasn’t. He was actually really cool and perhaps one of the best people I’ve been with. Or maybe I was viewing things through rose-colored glasses because of the distance. But I had to end it because it was starting to get too good and real.

"It was starting to get too good and real." [Credit - Twitter] Giphy/Twitter

So y'all had to break up. Talk to me about that.

My ideology was, still is, that if it was not going to last, why waste my time? And then there was the added fact that he was not a Muslim [still isn’t]. It meant that getting too serious was not going to lead anywhere – and it was starting to look like we were getting serious. So I had to break it off. And it was a whole mess because he didn’t have any problem with the whole religion thing. See, it was just a whole mess at the end of the day. We’re kinda friends now sha. We’re cool with each other and we relate. No bad blood.

How long did it last for?

5 months. And we never saw all through. Still haven’t seen till date.

Omo…

Lol. I know, it’s crazy.

I know y’all weren’t close distance-wise but looking back now, what was the cutest thing y’all did in that time you were an item?

Errr. maybe not cute sha but at that point in time, I was attempting to get better at writing and and it just felt good that even though it felt like I was wasting time, he was always there to tell me “yo, this is a good idea.” For context, I was in 200L studying a science course. It was pretty sweet actually because not long after we broke up, I unfortunately met someone who thought I was absolutely wasting my time on stuff that would not count on my CV. Those were his exact words. But can you just look at God now. [side: she’s a writer now and makes money from it]. So I think him just being there for me at that stage, to support me in that phase of honing my writing skills, is something I can fondly look back on now. In my life at that point, he was a presence. He just wasn’t physically present.

He was a presence despite the physical disrance. [Credit - Vanityfair] Long distance relationships Vanity Fair

Word. What effect do you think that relationship had on you and how you think of relationships?

My expectations got defined. That relationship just set a precedent for what I started expecting in my other relationships. Before I got with him, I didn’t even know how much another person’s support would mean to me. Like I said, the guy immediately after him was completely different and that contrast was just so sharp and so obvious. Needless to say, that didn’t even work at all.

You spoke on religion being an hindrance of sorts to that relationship. Are you still on that vibe?

At the time, if our religion didn’t match, there was totally no reason to be dating because what if we think it’ll be a temporary relationship and it turns out getting serious? I mean I would definitely have to breakup with the person because I wouldn’t want to marry someone that’s not muslim. It’ll now be a case of ‘when you knew you wouldn’t go all the way, why were you in it in the first instance? But then I realised that at that young age, I mean, I should be having fun and not tighting this kini to my chest. So a few years down the line, I decided to just go with the flow. Unfortunately, what I was avoiding initially was what eventually happened.

This life. Pot of salty beans.

I’m telling you!

[Credit - Twitter] E be things Giphy/Twitter

So how many relationships have you had since that first one?

Well sha, it depends on if you are seeing them as relationships.

You know what? Just do a headcount.

Ok. There was one. After two weeks, I gave up and scattered everything. He’s the one I mentioned earlier who wasn’t supportive. There was another one we just chilled for a bit in my final year. Then there was NYSC. That was… wow. [laughs loudly]

What? You guys were smashing a lot?

I wouldn’t go that far sha. Let’s just say we were in a situationship that lasted for about 6 months. It ended just after NYSC. Then there was this phase where I was experimenting with one certain individual -

- A girl?

No. A guy. My experimentation have not reached that side. I think that’s the end of my dating history.

Are you in a relationship now?

No o. In case you know where I can wash my head, boya you should direct me to the river.

Nah. You’re good.

If you say so.

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Get all First Love Stories here. We highly recommend this particular one.