Just the other day I was at a gathering organized to discuss the reasons why there seems to be so many single people and as expected the place was packed to the brim.

There were interesting sessions, personal experiences were shared, and the commonest reasons for singleness were also listed.

Amidst all of these conversations, something kept coming up – the need to stop seeing singleness as a problem that needs a fast, urgent solution.

Calm down, people. There’s no rush if you haven’t gotten your shit together. Stop pressurizing yourself and don’t let anyone put undue pressure on you to date or be in a relationship.

Relationships are not really the fairy tales you might think they are. Those ‘couple goals’ Instagram selfies you see don’t always tell the full stories of love and lovers.

There are fights, and quarrels and difficulties and issues that will threaten to break up the relationship.

There is cheating, and the fear that there is a side babe or side guy somewhere, there are all sorts of things to deal with in relationships, really.

I’m not trying to be a wet blanket here. Love is a beautiful thing and those rainy night cuddles, forehead kisses and occasional candle-lit dinners you crave are pretty admirable.

But that’s just one side of the relationship coin, and I'm afraid you're not permitted to take only that easy, beautiful side.

You have to take the not-so-easy part, too. That’s the part that has 100% commitment, dedication and loyalty, faithfulness and all those things that require effort, because best believe, you will need to be intentional with them as they don’t come naturally or easily.

ALSO READ: Relationship truths you need to learn fast

Being single is not the real problem, believe me. Being unprepared and unfit for a relationship is.

A story was shared of how a Pastor made a call for people who wanted relationships/marriages to come out for prayers.

After they all came out, he then asked the ones who had no jobs to go back to their seats.

Sadly, far too many people are getting their priorities wrong. They are seeking relationships before preparing for it instead of doing it the other way round.

Instead of hunting every babe and sliding into every DM, why not take time to know who you are, what you like doing and actually becoming so good at that thing?

Concentrate on being someone that can be dated, someone that deserves a serious romantic relationship.

Learn to be happy on your own, how to be by yourself for one week and not be bored shitless. Learn to enjoy your own company.

It doesn’t mean you have to do it but there’s a satisfaction in knowing that your happiness and completeness is not hinged or reliant on anybody.

Relationships are meant to make you a better person, not to define who you are.

Babes, you hour glass shape, dolled-up face and A1 head game is not enough.

Guys, that hot banging bod, fire sex game and cute words won’t be sufficient either.

Relationships are more than all these things, and the reason why many people can’t get into great relationships or stay in one is because they don’t realize these truths.

Many just want it for the sex, for the appearance, for the title, money and other wrong reasons.

When you actually realize that being in a relationship is more than these things, you’ll stop stressing yourself about getting into one, and pay attention to actually becoming ready for it.__________________

The gathering referred to in this article is the recent "Mind The Gap X" event by aka The Catalyst, held on July 15, 2017, at The Army Officers Mess, 1 Kofo Abayomi St, Victoria Island, Lagos.

Panelists there included , of Guiding Light Assembly, and others.