Dating in this time and age is quite stressful for everyone but must feel a little difficult for single mums who have to both think of their kids, societys stigma and the need to get it right at the second [or moreth] time of trying.
Because everyone deserves a good second chance and a better shot at this thing called love, here are tips for single mums who want to date again, according to Aminat Ayeni in Lagos.
1. Don’t feel guilty
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to date again when you’re a single parent. It doesn’t make you a bad mom or dad. In fact, a good parent, is a happy parent — so you’ve got to make sure you’re happy.
When your child is old enough, don’t feel guilty leaving them with your parents , friends etc for a few hours so you can meet up with someone.
It’s important you don’t spend 100% of your time isolated with your child, because you’re a grown up and you need the company of adults to stimulate your mind.
2. Be open
It’s so important to be upfront about being a parent when you meet someone, NEVER EVER DENY YOUR CHILD!!!!! There used to be a stigma surrounding this, but there’s not anymore, and you don’t want to be with someone who’s going to judge you for having a child anyway.
That’s their problem, not yours, and it actually acts as a great filter for people who are just wasting your time and aren’t right for you.
3. Be proud of your family
You love your kid/kids and are insanely proud of them, so why wouldn’t anyone else be? Anyone would be lucky to have you and however many little ones in their life.
So be proud of the fact that you are a parent, and you have a family. That’s nothing to ever be ashamed of.
4. Be confident
You might be nervous about dating again and don’t worry because that’s perfectly normal. When you do something new, or something you haven’t done in a long time, you’ll feel butterflies.
5. Don’t think of your situation as baggage
The word baggage has a negative vibe to it, so don’t think of your family as baggage. In fact, your child has probably transformed you in so many ways for the better. Just take a few minutes to stop and think about it. Chances are, you’re way more confident and capable now than you were before.
There’s no need to rush anything when you do start dating again. Take your time, and take things slow. You might have a tendency to want to rush back into a relationship because you crave the comfort of someone being there, but you’ve got to think about your kids and how a new relationship affects them.
7. Don’t rush introducing your new partner to your child
Children need routine and stability when growing up, and introducing someone new into their life too early can have a negative impact, especially if that person ends up leaving after having bonded with your child.
You can introduce them as a friend to begin with, and avoid any public displays of affection or sleepovers until you’re serious about one another. If you can see this new person becoming a part of your family, then it’s time to think about introducing them in that way to your kids.
That being said, if your kids are teenagers, it’s better to be more upfront about your situation as they’re likely to guess something’s going on. And if your child ever asks you outright what’s going on, always be honest about it.