If, however, we discover that Amber is the runaway bride come the Love Is Blind season finale, I will sue Netflix for pain and suffering. They cant do that to me. To us. I need Amber's story to be a success. (And I'll tell you why in a bit.)
Let's be real though: Theres no way in hell Amber's going to run from the altar, and you know why. If youre thinking, Its because she really loves him! then close out of this article right now. Youre a kind-hearted angel and I want you to keep that naivet as long as you can.
The real reason, as Twitter has made ruthlessly clear, is that Amber is currently jobless, homeless, and $20,000 in debt. (Let me clarify: Amber is definitely employable. She's clearly smart and can seemingly work hard. After all, she was a freakin' tank mechanic. I couldn't do that. I need to hire a dude just to change a lightbulb.)
Amber saying she doesnt think she could survive Barnett saying no...we know, sis. We know. That man is your ticket out of homelessness and winter is coming. #LoveIsBlind student loan forgiveness stan account. (@drpuella)
And let us not forget that instead of paying her off her student loans, she's maxed out her Sephora credit card. (However, to her defense, makeup is hella expensive, and she does look great, so you know, choices.)
Amber is a genius. A true mastermind. While some people on Twitter are insinuating she's a con artist, I, on other hand believe...
so amber came on #LoveIsBlind with no home, bad debt, no stable job, her credit terrible...but she yelling at barnett bcs his bed wasnt made and told him get it together.... pic.twitter.com/jDemb3Naiv molly. (@_jaecole)
...she went on a show where you get married after roughly a month of "knowing" a person so she could find a man, get him to pay off her debt, and be a stay-at-home mom. While Twitter is salty about it, the truth of the matter is, we're all jealous we didn't think of it first.
Amber is an inspiration to me and people like me. You think I want to be at my desk writing this article? No. I want to be drinking a bottle of wine at home and watching cartoonswhat Amber is likely doing right now as we speak, except I don't see Amber liking cartoons. She's probably watching Love is Blind on Netflix, patting herself on the back, and saying, "I fucking did it" as she pours herself her third glass of rose. It's not even noon. I've never been more envious of someone than I am right now.
Amber: Im so glad were getting married. And by the way, I have a $700/ month makeup habit, am in $20k student loan debt with no degree, And I dont want to work, like ever. Barnett: #LoveIsBlind pic.twitter.com/8K4DNHB017 Miss TV Fan (@FBLayla11)
I have to admit, it's also pretty funny that Barnett is the responsible one in this relationship. Like, who saw that coming? From the pods, Barnett seemed like a fuccboi. Excuse me, he was a fuccboi.
He was clearly not taking the experiment seriously. Instead, he was leading women on and breaking their hearts. Within 24 hours of being like, "Jessica, I would totally propose," he was like, "Nah... just kidding." And then there was a third woman! Remember her? Truthfully, I don't, which is why I'm not using her name. But I do remember she was pretty pissed, too, because you don't give three separate women the impression you're going to fucking propose, and then only propose to one. That's some fuccboi shit right there. And while I'm not excusing Jessica's thirsty behavior, I can at least understand why she's still hung up on him. I cannot, however, understand how in denial both she and Mark are about her feelings for Barnett. That's a true mystery I'll never be able to solve.
Barnett is such a classic fuck boy elohel #LoveIsBlind Haley (@calImehaley)
At the end of the day, though, it seems like the couple's going to make it through. And as much as I've enjoyed ragging on Amber, it's also possible she does love Barnett and would do anything for himincluding beating Jessica's thirsty ass. Besides, as Barnett said in the last episode as he and Amber overlooked the water, "I don't want to be like a grown up... We'll be immature the rest of our lives.
Well, sir, there's nothing that screams immaturity like buying obscene amounts of makeup instead of paying off your student loans.
But of course, I still wish you all the love and happiness in your marriage. And Amber, you son of a bitch, you pulled it off. I will forever be jealous.