Changing a person, is it worth it?

However, Making sacrifices to please your partner at your expense or trying to force them to be the right one for you… Are they all worth it?

I don't think so.

Here's the thing, Adjustments are not the same as altering someone. Yes, Adjustments can be made - your partner can try to do things in specific ways to keep the relationship going, but expecting a complete shift in your partner's behavior may be unrealistic and even insulting.

As a matter of fact, here are a few things you shouldn't bother changing in your partner:

Culture - you can't force an Igbo man to start behaving like a Yoruba man, and vice versa. There's no point.

Religion - in some cases, changing religions can work, but in most cases, it doesn't. There's always this animosity that breeds among the families and you don't want that.

Ex-factor - if they're still hung up on their ex, it's not worth it.

Commitment level - the commitment level is a revelation of their interest level. If they're not committed to you, it means they're not interested in you, and there's no point trying to change that.

Abuse - if your partner molests you, if they turn you to a punching bag, if they're toxic… then please run away from them. You're not a therapist, run for your life.

And if that small voice in your head is encouraging you to stick it out, that you can transform your partner... I beg you to disregard that voice. Sticking it out is a waste of time, and I'll explain why:

First of all, it implies that you don't love them as they are; it implies that they have some qualities which you find repulsive. And if that's the case, we have to wonder why you're with them in the first place. Is it because of the aesthetics? Or the reps?

Maybe you didn't realize they possessed such characteristics before, and now that you do, you're afraid to break up with them.

Well, whatever the case may be, if your partner has truly unpleasant qualities, qualities you can't stand, you should probably leave rather than try to improve them. It's beneficial to everyone.

Additionally, attempting to alter your partner can cause emotional distance and anger between you two. You're frustrated because they refuse to change, and they're frustrated because you're attempting to change them. It's a lose-lose situation.

Finally, it leads to fatigue and dissatisfaction. You'll get tired and dissatisfied when all your efforts and consistent complaints yield no result. This feeling will surely take a toll on you.

Acceptance is a proof of love, but if you find their attitude intolerable, don't try to change them, just find someone else.