Men's Roundtable Men get raped too...

Do men also get raped by women? Do they actually enjoy it when a woman overpowers them and have their ways with them?

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The Men's Roundtable

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Whenever the case of rape comes up, the mind is automatically tilted towards a man having sexual intercourse with a woman forcefully and without her consent. And that is why laws, punishment and policies, often seek to protect women against men.

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Yes, it is quite true that rape has become a problem, especially as many are not reported due to the stigma that goes with it however, there is a universal agreement that too many women and girls are being raped on a daily basis and the system, especially in Nigeria, often fail to protect them.

But what many do not know is that we, men, also fall victims of rape, simply because it is assumed that all rape victims are women.

In fact, men who get raped by women are often seen by their fellow men as a 'lucky guy' with questions asked about the 'lovely experience' he had, how horny the woman was and how the unlucky ones can also get raped.

Most of us realize, in theory, that men can be raped by women as well, but it's just not seen as that big a problem, after all, all men think about is sex and how to get the next woman into his bed, so why complain that a woman raped him, something that most men even fantasise about?

Just tell your guys that a babe raped you and you will hear comments like: 'You lucky bastard, how I wish I was in your shoes.' 'Abeg, when is the babe coming around again?'

Going by the kind of society we live in, where it is believed that a man owns the world, it is often difficult to believe that a man got raped by a lady. Even the police would not take you seriously` if you dared report such.

I know of a guy whose girlfriend arranged with five of her friends to sexually assault him (that is the word), and he went to the police to lodge a report. What he met was more than he bargained for because the officers actually told him to give them the numbers of the girls, and your guess is good as mine why they wanted the numbers.

Dare to tell someone that you have been raped by a woman and you will be seen as an alien, as they can't even fathom how such a thing would be possible.

You will hear comments like: 'What do you mean a woman raped you? You should even be happy that it happened to you.'And: 'I'm sure she didn't hold you down. You must have enjoyed the experience.' 'What position were you guys in? Come on, give us the details, bro!'

It seems just right but not many know the psychological effect rape has on men as well. This is basically down to the idea that sex is something men do to women and not the other way round.

Men normally give out sex, while the women receive it, and that's just how sex works. So if sex occurred, it must mean the man was the one who made it happen. And in any case, the man is always at fault.

Another reason men rape do not get to the light of the day is because of the notion that such a man is not 'man-enough'.

Some people will look at you with a kind of wonderment, as if you are not from this planet. The question that will flutter in their mind is: 'How did you get an erection?'

And by this implication, it simply means that for an intercourse to take place, and for you to enjoy the act of sex, your penis must be fully erect but then, it does not occur to them that an erection is just a bundle of nerves that can be manipulated by anyone who knows what they are doing.

You will also get questions like: 'Why didn't you shove her off if you did not like it?'

But does anyone ask a woman why she did not shove the man off her when he wants to rape her? There is this belief that a man is supposed to be more powerful than a woman and such, should be able to resist rape but only a few know that with some women, you are cowed and beaten to submission, even less physically.

This is another question that is often thrown at any guy who claims he was raped by a girl: 'Do you think a girl can force herself on a guy even if he is unwilling?’

It is the general belief that any man should be happy if a woman willingly had sexual relations with him, while a man who is raped by a woman should pray for such experiences every other day, as if it is not even possible for a man to be raped by a woman in Nigeria, because people, erroneously, see rape as mere penetration.

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But what of the emotional trauma that accompanies it? So he should just be a man and live with it, they reason. But then, men are humans as well and they also have an emotional threshold that can be shattered.

The submission here is that men also get raped by women and it should also be seen as a crime against men, simple.

NB: Have you been raped or molested by a woman before? Write in and share your experience.

Send your contribution to isaac.dachen@ringier.ng

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