What if your partner has a fetish you're not comfortable with?

Note that fetish is more common in men than women and as explained above, it is the 'over-sexualisation' of things that would normally not draw sexual excitement from anyone. It is not uncommon to hear that people have fetishes for shoes, feet, a particular colour etc.

Fetishes are serious because if your partner has one, he'd need to have the object of their attraction at hand or be fantasizing about it in order to become sexually aroused at all.

This explains to an extent why people have fantasies and their fixation with certain things during sex.

So because you're supposed to communicate in your relationship, discuss sexual preferences and be open to trying out each other's fantasies, your partner is supposed to tell you his fetish if he has one.

Now what happens if he has a fetish for something that you can't deal with? What if the thought of it freaks you out and makes you uncomfortable, what should you do?

Good reactions

It's always a nice thing to keep an open mind and to understand that having not heard of something before, or that you have never done it before does not mean such thing is bad or wrong, so far you stay in the confines of safe practices and healthy choices.

There is a wide spectrum and broad horizon of possibilities that could light up your sex life with your husband/boyfriend/partner.

Also it makes sense to communicate well when you would not budge to such practices. If his suggestion is a bit too much for you, it's OK to say no but tactfully.

One more thing, you need to realise that most of these differences are better discussed and settled before it becomes too late. This is why premarital sex counselling is a thing, and why it makes sense.

Bad reactions

It’s important to remember that it was likely really, really hard for your partner to work up the guts to tell you what he's into.

He was probably terrified that you’d be disgusted or you’d shame him or you’d laugh in his face — so be careful to not do that. It is fine to be shook and taken aback. It is rude and insensitive to poke fun.

Laughing into his face, poking fun at him and calling him crazy isn't much of a solution and will only lead to resentment and create problems you should not be encouraging in your relationship.

Also, involving other people or even gisting your friend or someone else is not cool especially if you have not had the opportunity to talk things through, or have a proper conversation with your partner about it.

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