One great worry I had before getting into a relationship was my sexual well-being.
By the time I and my boyfriend began dating and later got into a relationship, I was so absolutely head over heels in love with him.
In the two months between our first meeting and getting into a relationship, the talk of whether he liked going down on women never came up.
And that’s a mistake I’ll never make again. And I sincerely believe no woman should, whether or not you hold oral sex in a hallowed spot in your heart.
I admit I was guilty of taking it for granted that every guy who liked to get oral sex would like to perform it, too.
I had been in other sexual relationships and while some were not so great, I’ve been taken on some wild pleasurable journeys that began with someone’s head buried between my legs.
And oh how I grew to thoroughly love being eaten out.
I’d later know that there are women who actually never feel comfortable with having people getting that close to that part of their bodies.
In all my past relationships since I began dating and having sex at 20, oral sex did not even need to be talked about. It always happened without any one of us having to ask.
I and my four boyfriends before him just naturally entered into the pattern of orally pleasuring each other and it was really cool to not have that discussion of whether we’d do it or not.
Unfortunately for me, my boyfriend’s life and mine had become so connected before I knew of his aversion to oral sex.
We actually waited for a little over four months before going all the way.
He was such a great guy, knew how to be a gentleman, treated me like a princess and brought out the freak in me at the same time. His sex and stroke game was that strong.
Somehow, though, I never felt satisfied. I loved giving and getting head.
I am one of those ladies who would rather get head without penetration than get penetrated without head and this practically stressed me out all through that relationship.
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On the very first night we went all the way, I’d told him it was his turn to go down on me after I had done the same to him. He shook his head and said he would not.
His response was that all vaginas were icky, dirty places and he just could not get his face anywhere close.
What the hell is this guy saying?!!!
Needless to say, I was so shocked by what I was hearing from him that I still wonder why I did not just order him out of my apartment at that moment.
Of course we could no longer have sex that night and he eventually left after we had this crazy argument about why he was wrong on all levels for not giving head and feeling comfortable to receive it.
I also made it clear to him how it was a crazy opinion to think all vaginas were icky and unfit for cunnilingus even after being properly cleaned and groomed. He kept rambling on and on about how wrong it was to put his mouth down on women. His reasons for being against it centered around that time of the month and other womanly discharge. I just could not deal. I practically flew off the handle and walked him out of the apartment.
It took about a week before picked his apologetic phonecalls. After a while, he somehow convinced me and we reached an agreement – he wouldn’t give me head and wouldn’t get from me either. I actually loved that man so I thought it would be cool but three months and several rounds of headless sex after, I realized how utterly dumb that decision was.
In all fairness, the sex was never bad with him, but that sense of dissatisfaction, that something was missing, it never left. My orgasms were few and weak and of course. I never had the big O with him, to state the very obvious.
My sexual frustration soon began to tell on our relationship and by the end of five months, I ended it.
As much as he was a great guy and one of the best men I ever had, that wasn’t how I envisioned myself being in a long-term relationship.
It’s been three years and two relationships since we broke up but it has left a permanent mark on the way I view relationships and sexual partners.
I surely did not forget to ask my two most recent boyfriends the magic question long before the relationships began - do you give head?
If their answers had been no, I probably would still be single at the time of this story.