Have attachment styles become the new love languages?

March 15th 2023, 12:36:35 pm

Heres why people are using attachment to understand how they love.

Attachment styles have been linked to how people love just like love languages [Madamnoire]

Years ago, love languages were how people defined love and relationships, but now thanks to social media, people are paying attention to attachment styles.

Attachment theory was initially about infant-caregiver interaction when it was first created by psychologist, John Bowlby in the 1950s. He postulated that attachment types are a primitive survival strategy and children are born with a biological predisposition to develop attachment bonds.


There are typically three types of attachment: secure, anxious, and avoidant.

Psychologist, Mary Ainsworth also carried out research to look into these attachment bonds. Infants were taken from their parents and placed with carers, after which researchers watched the infants' behaviour when their mothers returned.

Some babies ignored their mothers, which is known as avoidant attachment. Another set of infants, referred to as the secure attached were quickly reassured by the sight of their mother. Whereas, the avoidant attached newborns chose to ignore their moms.

Those who are securely attached are trustworthy, capable of clear communication, at ease being alone themselves, and at ease developing close relationships.

People with anxious attachment orientations worry about being abandoned, which can lead them to seem clingy or jealous and make them feel undeserving of love.

Avoidants take great pride in their independence and may reject chances to build meaningful relationships by pushing others away if they worry about others getting too close.

Your caregivers' responses to you when you were a young kid in distress largely determine your attachment types and affect how you love as an adult.

However, research has shown that most people are securely attached (65%). Many people might act anxious or avoidant depending on their partners and love interest, that does not mean they are not securely attached.

Temi Iwalaiye
Temi Iwalaiye is a lifestyle Reporter at Pulse. She loves to write - about anything and everything.


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