The fear of being 30 and single is still so real for many Nigeria women. The societal stigma is still very active and while it really should not be an issue ideally, the reality is that it is still such a huge problem.
For these women approaching 30, the worry about their marital status would often turn to desperation, a race against time, and a struggle with their biological clocks. Wake up and smell the coffee. These things are really not the mighty issues we think they are.
Society has been moving in the wrong direction for so long and it’s about time you realized that you should be leading a full, productive and unbothered life when you’re 30’ish instead of allowing desperation lead you to a marriage of convenience or an arrangement which changes your status but condemns you to a lifetime of sadness.
Lape Soetan, a UK-certified relationship coach in Lagos who focuses on dating for women 30 and above tells Pulse exclusively that when you’re in the age range of 30, the tips listed below are the relationship guides that you would find most useful.
1. Know the kind of man that you want to marry
Lape says it is not enough to spew off the popular ‘tall, dark and handsome’ trope every woman seems to ask for everytime the talk of an ideal man comes up.
“I find that a lot of people, when I ask them for the kind of man they want to marry, they say they want somebody who is tall dark and handsome and God-fearing and I wonder what that has got to do with anything. What if he is all of this and is sleeping with your sister?”
In essence, the real deal here is for you to know yourself enough to know what reeeeeally suits you.
“We are just saying these things because we hear them. You are not really thinking of what you want. You need to know exactly what it is you want in a man,” Lape adds.
2. Develop yourself
“Become a better person. Become the best version of yourself that you can be.”
3. Change your routine
When you’re really ready for a relationship but none comes, it may be time to change your routine. That change could make all the difference. It could reposition you in the right place to meet the man you have been hoping for, and who has been dying to meet a woman like you, too.
“When women come to me, sometimes they say they haven’t gone on a date in five years or even in seven years!” Lape reveals. She says these women confess to going to work, back home and then to church. Week in, week out, something that is not particularly right as the man of your dreams won’t really come drag you out of your bed, you will have to go out there and meet people.
“You have to change your routine, you can’t keep doing the same thing and hoping that something different will happen.
“I don’t mean something big or drastic or something huge such as changing your job or relocating. If you do that, fine, excellent but it’s as simple as instead of going to 10am service on Sunday start going for 6am.
“If you usually do your shopping on Saturday morning, start doing it on Wednesday evening. Just change small things and you will see a change”
4. Say yes more often
“Instead of saying no every time someone invites you out, say yes more often. Try new things.”
5. Be more openminded
Lape believes that life has a way of surprising us, and that you should always be open to those surprises. It may be the best thing that ever happened to you.
“Realise that the person that is going to make you happy may not look like what you thought,” she says.
“And his looks don’t matter, really. When the person comes into your life and you experience the kind of happiness that you want. If he does not look the way you that had hoped, forget about that. What matters is how you feel inside and how the person treats you and how he treats others.”
With an open mind and a willingness to embrace the beautiful twist and turns that life shapes our life with, you could get yourself something far better than you thought you'd ever get.