5 ways to be helpful to a grieving partner

When you are married or in a serious relationship, your life and your partner’s become merged to the extent that their victories are yours to celebrate and their losses, to some extent, yours to bear.

And here’s the thing about life as a couple; it won’t always be a bed of roses. There will be trying times which could be as traumatizing the loss of a loved one.

Singer Dbanj’s recent loss of his 13-month-old son under tragic circumstances is an example of some of the curveballs life could sometimes throw at people.

Whether it is a shared loss or the loss suffered by only one partner, such as the loss of a aged parent or family member, here are ways to get through those trying times together as a couple:

1. Allow them to feel the grief

Watching your partner grieve could be painful but you have to let them go through it. There are many health issues, both physical and mental, that arise from not grieving. If it affects you too so make space to grieve in your own way.

2. Offer support

Be there to show support. Sometimes just being there and sitting with them is enough. And sometimes talking about it is needed. Create an avenue to talk about it as soon as it’s possible to do so.

Be the one who listens closely when they need to air their grief. Ask questions and show your care.

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3. Don’t judge how they grieve

It’ll be insensitive to judge how they choose to express their hurt. People mourn in different ways and it is OK to let your partner purge those hurtful emotions in a manner they know best. If it’s not threatening their life or health, let them be. Being there to show support is all they need you for.

4. Professional support

Sometimes clinical evaluation and help will be needed as grief could turn into depression. If your partner seems to not be recovering well from the loss after a considerable amount of time, it may be time to suggest professional medical assistance.

5. Be prepared for resurgent grief

On special days such as holidays, birthdays and anniversaries which remind your partner of that loss, they will likely remember and feel the acute pain again. Make plans for those days ahead of time.