Where'd you go? I miss you so

How are you? They said your cough and catarrh is now very serious. No matter what anyone tells you, please don’t take Codeine, you won’t wake up till May. Ask Mugabe.

All the stress of ruling Nigeria can’t even let you put your First Lady where she belongs. Your back will just break in the other room.

I went to speak to a relationship Counselor, and I learned something very important. When Lovers go through hard times, it is good for them to think back on memories when times were good.

Bubu, do you remember that time when we were celebrating Valentine in 2015? That time when you were saying I should choose you over Jonah. That time you said you'll give me expensive things and all that? I’m looking at some of the pictures we took together during that honeymoon, and my chest is still doing gbim gbim.

Remember when you were saying we’re going to drive round the country and be killing corruption ka-ka-ka-ka-ka, like Bonnie and Clyde? Or that time you said you have the secret to make Naira go gaga with the dollar?

Well, Naira has gone gaga, but this gaga no epp.

Remember when you were saying you will make all my problems go away? All the money and jobs and all that?

Bubu, where is it?

Remember when we wanted to celebrate Valentine together, but haters wanted to kill our shine. You know when lovers want to marry, they do hashtags like #UgoMakanaki2020. Remember that time I did a hashtag for you? But instead of putting my name, I just put only yours just so you could feel special? #Febuhari2015.

Bubu, remember when I’d text you every time, and you’d reply sharp sharp? Remember when I’d ask for one and you’ll promise me hundred?

Bubu, why don’t you talk me like you used to, the silence of the other room is making me lose my mind.

Every time, you’ll be talking to everybody, but giving me silent treatment. And if I want to complain too much, you’ll be saying cam dan.

Anyway, my tears are already soaking this paper.

Okay, scratch that. My tears will soon spoil my keyboard. But if I tell you to buy me a new one, you’ll say that Jonah has taken all the money and that I should go and collect keyboard money from him.

I know you’ll get this, I just hope you reply. The Naira says hi by the way. He's eating dust here. Not like it's nutritious.

Your Bae,

Nigeria.