Women Talk Sex: I like men who don’t overthink their masculinity during coitus

‘#WomenTalkS3xByPulse’ is Pulse’s weekly series designed to capture the thoughts of everyday Nigerian women on s3xual health, pleasure, and what women expect good s3x to be and feel like. Feel free to fill this tiny form if you'd like to chat with us and feature on this series.

On #WomenTalkS3x this week, a Nigerian woman talks about toxic masculinity and how it can negatively impact great knacks. Read on

Do you remember who introduced you to the idea of sex?

Not who. What. And it was movies. Hollywood movies and all their kisses and sex scenes. That was how I became aware of sex as a thing.

And your first time, how bad was it?

Oh? You already know that wasn’t a great experience?

Most people don’t have great things to say about their first time, so I figured

True. True. It was not great. But it was nothing terribly bad. I think that’s just how the first time is meant to be. Sex gets better the more you do it.

Factos. How better has it gotten for you?

Oh, much better. I don’t know what the future holds but if things continue to improve the way they’ve been going for the past few years, I think it’s something to look forward to. But generally sha, sex is not something I am obsessed about. I really don’t think about it much.

So we can presume you’re not one to get it often

Well, it depends on your definition of ‘often’. LMAO. I mean, a few times in a month is good enough for me. That’s where I’m at currently, and I consider it often enough.

I feel you. Can you tell me what’s most exciting about your sex life right now?

Uhhhhm… right now, it is the fact that I get to do it with someone I love. I think that is the best part for me right now. My man and I may not be perfect but at least, we are working on it. And I mean the actual relationship and romance bit. You know, love does not have to be perfect for it to make sense. I’m learning that with him. And of course, this has a way of extending into our sex life. We are always looking to get better at it. We rate each other, share opinions on what we can do better during sex, we praise each other when either or both of us has done something really satisfying. You know, if the head was different, I tell him. If I ride him in some really impressive way, he gives me feedback as well. And of course, on those underwhelming sex days, we talk about it as well and apologise to each other.

LOL. That sounds so cute

I know right?! It really is. And I love it. Being so comfortable with him and learning that communication about sex can be soft and easy…it’s a revelation for me. And you know another thing I really like in men generally?

No. But you should tell me

LOL. Because you asked nicely, I will. So you know how men can generally be masculine in some toxic ways, yeah?

Generally?

Ok, maybe not generally but you get what I’m saying.

I do. Just whining you

Ok. So I was going to talk about how men sometimes bring that toxic masculinity to sex. Let me explain. The way I see it, sex is meant to be mutually beneficial and for that to work, both people have to be as comfortable taking pleasure as they are with giving it out. I have found that Naija men can be a bit close-minded about receiving pleasure. I want to be able to pleasure you and you should not feel emasculated for that. And it’s insane because even the ones that are horrible at giving pleasure will still be refusing to stay still and get it. How can you be useless in two places? I have to say that there is nothing wrong with women choking men, pegging them, fingering them, sucking on their nipples or even dominating them… someone needs to say these things. It does not take away from your manhood, bro. If it is pleasing to your babe, then you should relax and let them give you that pleasure. I have heard men say they derive pleasure from giving their women pleasure. The same applies to women. Imagine how disappointing it’d be if you are like that and your partner is one close-minded, fake alpha-male type.

This reminds me of that video on Twitter where a babe pinned her man to the wall and the guy wanted to pass out

LMAO! I didn’t see that but I can imagine and that’s what I am talking about. See, sometimes, men should just relax. No be everything be gragra. And these things don’t make you less of a man. In fact for women like me, I can say it makes me desire them more. A man being this secure in his masculinity? Omo, I’ll just be dripping like a faulty tap.

LMAOO

Anyway sha, thank God for my own man and for bringing me to a happy place. God be with everybody still on the streets.

I love it for you. But… earlier you said something about few times in a month?

Yeah. We’re in neighbouring states. Not so far sha but we only see on weekends. So that doesn’t give us a lot of time together, you get?

Ah. That makes sense. How would you rate your sex life over 10?

10 without thinking twice. I really like how it’s going for me right now and I wouldn’t change a thing.

Aren’t you lucky?

I am. Blessed, too!

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