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It's wrong to bad-mouth your partner to family and friends; here's why

Here's the limit to what you can tell outsiders about your relationship.

Rihanna saying no [Credit: Nickie Petraki]

Due to the ever-present tendency of humans to make mistakes and the inevitability of conflicts in relationships, it is quite impossible to be with someone and not have something to complain about, even if it's minor.

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How you choose to go about this is actually a very delicate issue that needs to be talked about.

We have already said it here that the best way to communicate in a relationship, whether about the good things or the bad, is with one’s partner. In that enlightening piece published here, we said that “reaching out to your partner, communicating with him or her honestly about your concern should be your first recourse when there is an issue bugging you in [your] relationship.

“What happens when you communicate first with other people is a reversal of the ideal cycle.

“Normally, your communication should start with your primary support group – your partner.

“It is only when your sincerest, repeated conversations with your partner does not get the job done that you involve outsiders. And that pretty much means everyone else that is not your partner."

For people in relationships, this is one major thing that needs to be imbibed and never forgotten. Even after your repeated call for a change has not been heeded by your partner who somehow keeps doing the same thing that frustrates you and makes you unhappy, it is still not OK to tell outsider some things about them and your relationship.

Involving a third party in your relationship affairs may be OK under the circumstance mentioned above, but that’s as far as it should go. You need to stick to the issue and stay away from badmouthing your partner to outsiders, even if the said outsider is your mum, dad, siblings or friends.

Badmouthing your partner to outsiders is never cool and every wise partner knows better than doing that.

Not only is it disrespectful on your part, it could also cause your family and friends to disrespect and dislike him or her. Surely, your partner deserves better from you than lowering their standing with people you hold dear.

Also, by badmouthing him or her to your folks or friends, you reinforce negativity.

Relationships and marriages are susceptible to negative talk. The more you complain about your spouse, the more your brain will reinforce those opinions — and the harder it will be to see beyond that thing you keep talking about.

Badmouthing them to these people instead of emphasizing on the issue itself will actually get nothing done. The issue that's tearing your relationship apart should be your focus so that you can get answers and help for a better relationship.

You don’t want your partner feeling backstabbed, hurt, embarrassed and disappointed as well. So stay off the trash talking and focus on getting the issues settled.

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