What to do when you're ready for marriage but your partner is not

When you find yourself in such situation, you are faced with the possibility of losing the relationship and seeing all the dreams and hopes you have built come crashing down. But you must still stay reasonable and decide to either walk away or negotiate for the relationship to go on for a while longer without crossing into matrimony. Either of these decisions can be easy or difficult, and it could be the right or wrong move depending on the individual wishes you and your partner have.

In situations like this ask yourself first, what exactly does marriage mean to me and why is it important that I pressure this person to marry me now? Is it necessary or advisable for me to disregard my wishes and marry this person even though I would rather wait it out a little longer?

Whether you are the one being asked or the one asking, it is the first thing to consider. When you determine this, it affords you a better perspective of what you should really do. You also get a better insight into why you should compromise or not.

Your answer to commitment may be an eager 'yes' while his is a 'no' [Credit: HBO] Pulse Nigeria

If your idea of marriage is really in tandem with his or hers, waiting sounds like the logical thing to do. Undue pressure may send them scampering away and if you think they are the real deal and your relationship reflects that, what does it matter that you would have to wait for some time for before walking down the aisle?

If you are on the receiving end of the pressure, try to understand if it is coming from a real readiness to marry you or if it’s because some other pressure is being piled on them, too! It is common for people to be bullied, emotionally blackmailed and pushed into marriages by parents who cite their ages, your age and the need for grandchildren in their marry-by-hook-or-crook schemes.

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If you detect that the pressure being piled on you to say yes is being applied from another source, it should serve as a concern because, really, what if he or she is not even mentally or financially ready for the marriage they are asking you for? The least thing you want is to marry someone and find out that they regret doing it when they did. Love alone does not float a marriage. That they love you does not mean you should ignore these preparedness and readiness quotients.

Be careful to not be too aggressive in your approach [Credit: Elitedaily] ece-auto-gen

If you are the ready one who is trying to get the other person on board, be careful to not be too aggressive in your approach. When he or she say they are not ready at the moment, be sensitive enough to not lose your head and push too hard.

“I’m just not ready” is a start, but seek to understand the real reasons behind your partner’s hesitancy. Why are they not ready? Is it because of finances? Do they have personal goals they want to reach before settling down? Is it because you haven’t been together long enough or they feel the relationship is not strong enough to transition into a marriage?

Mind you, if you are trying to tie the knot because you’re worried your partner isn’t fully committed and marriage would prove their commitment to you, you’re doing it the wrong way. Marriage should not birth commitment. Be sure commitment is already alive before delving into marriage.

In the end, if it just does not feel right and you feel like you are being rushed into a less than ideal situation, or if you feel all is right and your partner is just unduly and unreasonably delaying the needful, then you should be strong enough to move away and fulfil your marital dreams with someone else who shares the same desires with you.