Dear Bukky,

My boyfriend has changed since I've moved in with him.

Before, he would do anything for me. He would comfort, he’ll use sweet words and he’d also take me out. Everything has totally now though. He can't even say sorry. He comes late to bed while busy watching TV.

I tried sitting him down talking to him he just keeps quiet or says he does not like to talk. But before, when we had problems, he would be the one begging to talk and solve the issues.

I'm really losing it now. I don't know what to do. Please help.________

Dear reader,

This is one problem with many relationships and not just yours. Many times, when men need to get a woman, they do all that is needed but when she finally becomes theirs, they become complacent and lackadaisical about the whole thing. Many times, the way out of this is constant conversations, and to always hold him to the bar he set before the relationship began.

In the case where he continuously refuses to raise his effort to meet the standard he himself created for you before the relationship began, then it is not a bad idea to ease yourself out of that relationship. Consistence is key in relationships. It’s either he brings that energy all the time or does not bring it at all.

In your case, I think the issue could also be that you over sensationalized the relationship in your mind before you moved in with him. You could have created exalted versions of reality in your mind, thereby becoming disappointed when living with him did not turn out to be what you thought it would be.

And this is not a far-fetched idea: when you are living apart from someone, there is a limited time to see each other and be together and do romantic things. So the sweetness feels like it lasted for all the time you spent together. But when you are living together, there is more time, and it is unlikely that you can keep up the sweetness all day every day for all the time you are together under the same roof.

While the problem could likely be that he is just lazy and has refused to keep up with his own standard, there is also the possibility that you may have overly-romanticised the beginning of the relationship. In that case, the answer would be to be a little more realistic in your approach to the relationship and the demands you place on that relationship.

I need you to do a careful introspection and appraisal of the situation, decide what it is and act accordingly.

I wish you all the best in that relationship.___________

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