Pulse First Love: Learning about safe sex from my uncle made me the man I am today

This mini-series is done in partnership with Bayer for World Contraception Day #WCD2021.

MY BODY, MY STORY | #WCD2021 #YourLife #MyBodyMyStory #TellYourStory

There is a first time for everything. For the young man in this article, knowing, or rather, understanding what contraceptives were really about did not happen until he was about 17, about to leave home for the first time.

He talks to us about getting 'The Talk' from his uncle, and how much of an influence that has had on his choices to date.

What’s your sex life like at the moment?

I currently do not have a partner so I’m in a bit of a bad patch right now.

So when you say bad patch, what do you mean?

So, in a relationship, I’m with just one person and for me, I’ve been fortunate to have girlfriends who are on the same wavelength as me when it comes to pleasure and the likes. So that worked really nicely for us. But outside of relationships, it’s really not so easy and I think a lot more is involved before you can get down with people. Maybe if you have an ex who is still down for the occasional hookup, that may be good for you. But generally, it’s not really my thing to chase or to try to get partners easily. Maybe I’m a bit selective sha.

Does any of this have to do with the fear of STIs?

STIs? Not really. To be frank, I don’t think much of this when deciding to keep off certain women. For me, it’s more about protecting my energy and space. Some get crazy and start acting too attached or too dramatic once sex is involved. But yeah, avoiding STIs and unnecessary health risks is an added advantage, I guess.

So you’ve never had to think of STIs or treating any?

None. Can’t think of any.

That’s good for you.

No, wait. I think I remember one time my first girlfriend bought me some pills because apparently, she’d noticed an infection a few days after we had sex, and she feared she might have passed it on to me. Although I saw no symptoms ,I still used the drugs to be sure.

So you weren’t using protection?

In the beginning, we were. But after a while of being exclusive, we became more trusting of each other and would occasionally go without condoms. But it was pregnancies we were more scared of, rather than STIs.

I should mention here that I was more scared of pregnancies than her. So even though I was having sex, it was always at the back of my mind that I couldn’t afford to impregnate anyone. That principle guided me through both of my relationships. Even till now. LOL. My folks are big on doing things right so I wouldn’t want to disappoint them by having a child out of wedlock. And I personally don’t like abortions. So I try to be very careful so that the risks are at the barest minimum.

Great that you mentioned your folks. Has there ever been any point where they spoke to you about safe sex, contraception and all that?

LOL. My parents? Bro, the most ‘sex education’ I’ve gotten from any of them is to not impregnate anyone, especially when I was a teenager and while I was still in university.

How old are you now?

25.

Has anyone else tried to talk to you about contraception or safe sex?

The only person who has ever spoken about sex in an educative way has been my uncle - my mum’s younger brother. I was 17 and he had this whole adult conversation with me that felt so awkward at the time. LMAO.

How so?

Well, listening to him talk to me about sex felt weird to me at the time. In my head, I was like ‘Uncle G, why are we having this type of conversation?’ Mind you, I was only 17 and this was the first time any adult had spoken to me about sex in an educative way and he was quite calm about it. Unlike my parents, he actually asked if there was any girl I liked and if I had ever had sex. He was totally calm about it but I was so uncomfortable that I couldn’t tell him much.

He sha proceeded to talk about what happens when people have sex. He gave me a crash course on condoms, pregnancies, STDs and a bit about love and relationships and said to be very careful especially as I was leaving home soon and would have a bit of freedom. I couldn’t wait for it to end though as it all felt strange to me. I would have preferred to read these things than to hear him talk about them. In hindsight, that was such an amazing thing he did for me. And that kind of improved our relationship. He became my go-to guy throughout uni. He’s still my man till this day. Shout out Uncle G wherever you are.

LOL. Shout out to him. But would you say he’d be proud of your choices in the context of that conversation?

Hmmm. Maybe not all. LOL. But on a more serious note, I think I’ve been quite cautious compared to the reckless things I’ve seen and heard people do. Besides, I think my being choosy and fear of having random unprotected sex can be traced to that conversation.

Would you say you have improved on your knowledge of contraceptives and safe sex since then?

Oh absolutely. I’m no longer the kid I was at the time. Besides, you have conversations with friends and you pick up more helpful information in your interaction and relationship with women, too. There is also the internet and social media conversations that help you pick up bits and pieces of information that educate you on these things. So, yeah.I think I have.

Rate yourself on a scale of 1-10 on the quality of choices you have made in your sex life up to this point.

7. Definitely a 7 because I think I haven’t lived too much on the edge and I have been careful and quite responsible.

Love to see it.

Hahaha. Thanks!

Editor’s Note: This story has been told solely from the perspective of the interviewee. To get expert tips on how to have The talk with a parent, family member or guardian, click HERE. You can also click HERE to find out which contraceptive is right for you. Stay connected on Social Media and watch out for our upcoming Health Show with a medical professional who will discuss contraception and right choices in detail.

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