I'm in an abusive relationship and don't know how to end it

Relationship Talk With Bukky: I'm in an abusive relationship and don't know how to end it

Bukky Sanni

March 27, 2019 8:34 AM

Hi, I've been dating this guy for close to three years now; a long distance one. He loves me so much maybe because I was his first girlfriend. We had an argument early last year that led to series of verbal abuse between us. I was actually at fault because I started it all. I came back and then apologized. Ever since then, the relationship wasn't like it used to be

Domestic violence. [Credit: Belfast Telegraph]

We were always quarelling about little things. He complains that I'm stubborn and that I don't give in to whatever he asks me to do. Then later that year, he started pressuring me for sex. I had the intention of giving him my body on our wedding day but he kept on disturbing. I asked him to go do it with someone else, that I would forgive him because I made him to. He insisted saying he doesn't want it with another lady except me.

I gave in. He thinks I don't love him enough or I was going to leave him for someone else.

I thought our arguments were going to reduce a little, but instead it got worse. I was getting frustrated and tired. I actually asked to leave the relationship but he wasn't ready to because he has vowed to make me his wife at all cost.

Last December. I got him angry and he did something for the very first time to me; he beat me, slapped my face, gave me series of blows, hit my head on the wall… said things he shouldn't have uttered. I was hurt. I couldn't tell anyone. I had made up my mind to leave him but he begged me.

He pled with me. He said I pushed him to do what he did, saying it wasn't his fault. I asked him to give me three months break so I can forget that incident. It didn't last up to a month before I went back to him because he was pleading seriously. He has tried every possible thing to make me forget that day.

I pitied and forgave him but it only got worse. Ever since that incident happened, I haven't been myself. I tried to cause scenes with little things. He understood that I was still hurt. I shout back at him with little things and I don't respect him any longer. Any time I mention "break up", he feels bad and would be tempted to hit me again.

Sometimes he'd punch the wall, kick things out of his way. He loves me dearly, but i don't feel anything any longer. The spark is gone. he's been begging me and crying, promised never to lay his hands on me, told his friends as well to accept his plea.

What should I do now? I'm scared he would hurt me again in future. I feel insecure. Should I give it a try?

__________

Dear reader,

I have just a very simple answer for you: RUN!!!

If you would learn anything from the whole of this situation, it should be that people like that never change. If he did it this time even after you came back, what’s to say he won’t do it again in the future?

This is not the kind of relationship you want to remain in. Please, end it now!

To be safe, inform people close to you, involve your family and take other security measures to protect yourself from him in case he tries to hurt you from leaving him.

Whatever happens, don’t you dare try to convince yourself that this guy is right for you.

He is not!

__________________

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Bukky Sanni