How frequently should a couple have sex?

It's completely natural to have insecurities around how much sex you and a partner engage in. But, it's important to keep in mind each relationship is different, with varying sexual needs.

More sex does not always equal a better relationship. Instead, focusing on the quality of sex, your connection with a partner, and what's best for your relationship can make your bond stronger.

Try these tips to know how frequent you should be intimate with your partner:

No magic number

There can’t be fixed numbers, of course. If only this was as easy as measuring your height and looking up the appropriate number for weight.

Moreover, there is no direct proportionality to the happiness you feel in your relationship, though there is a weak link somewhere.

When should you worry?

If your numbers are too low, less than 12 a year, you should be worried. There is some correlation between happiness in a relationship with a very low frequency of sex. That would have an almost circular cause-effect relationship on the quality of your marriage. A failing relationship can take its toll on sex and less sex can lead to anger, disappointment, frustration, feelings of inadequacy and depression.

Is it all one way?

If you can’t match your frequency with your partner, then it’s time for some introspection. There are times when your desires are synchronised, but there are times when one initiates but the other is in no mood. These are the testing times. Is one person always/mostly initiating and one never/rarely in the mood? Who gets his/her way and who’s left to channelise their desire another way? Eventually how these situations play out will decide the strength of your relationship and also the numbers on your sexual frequency chart.

Make time for love

These are minor issues that can easily be solved with some planning. Yes, sex is ideally spontaneous, culminating from desire to foreplay and intercourse. But sometimes schedules can actually get you some badly missed action. Morning quickies or short afternoon sessions do as much for you as a long nightcap. You may sometimes value quantity over quality. Remember, perfection is hugely overrated.