Are you constantly losing arguments? These 3 steps will help you start winning

How many times have you been sure you were right, but you still lost the verbal fight?

How many times have you tried to convince someone to do something, but nothing came of it? Exactly. There is no point in wringing your hands - you need to work on communication to make it effective. The expert points out the most common mistake we make when having a lively discussion with someone.

Although conflicts and verbal disputes are not pleasant, from time to time we probably all have to face someone who does not like our point of view. Especially since the number of hot topics has only increased in recent years, and free access to information generates pressure that we should have an opinion on each of them. This topic was recently covered by the website CNBC.

According to marketing professor, Jonah Berger, of the University of Pennsylvania, people who expect confrontation spend a lot of time thinking about the best arguments. Often, preparations for an interview take longer than the interview itself. According to the scientist, this does not lead to anything good.

"We replay these conversations in our heads, bombard our adversaries with more and more data, numbers and facts, and look for emotional appeals. This is a bad idea," says Prof. Berger.

In the opinion of Niro Sivanathan from the London Business School, repeating or adding more evidence to the same argument only harms it. This happens because we cover our strongest argument with weaker ones.

In such a situation, the person we are talking to, instead of focusing on what we care about most, will come away with a slightly blurred vision of our point of view.

"Less is more. If you have a key argument, be confident and stick to it, instead of juggling several," suggests Prof. Sivanathan.

Understanding your adversary's perspective is extremely important [Sarauta Network] Pulse Ghana

How to win arguments in three steps

According to scientists, first of all, it is necessary to identify obstacles and barriers that do not allow reaching an agreement. Understanding your adversary's perspective is extremely important. Some people are afraid to admit that someone else is right, others just like to argue. This is step one.

"Pushing, telling or simply encouraging people to do something often makes them less likely to do it. We like to think we are in control," Berger wrote.

Step two is to speak in such a way that the person you want to convince feels empowered - as if they were coming to this conclusion themselves. Example?

"If you are negotiating a raise with your boss, ask him questions like: what do you think my results were this year? Do you think that good work should be well paid? Let him convince himself that you deserve this raise," says Berger.

Lastly, refer to shared values, goals and experiences. Focus more on how you say rather than what you say. Small changes in the way we communicate can have a very big impact.

This article was originally published on Onet Woman.