A humorous, enlightening view of celebrities and celeb life in Nigeria from the mind of a sarcastic writer.
Last Friday, the rain couldn't hold me back from turning up. I hadn't gone clubbing in a while and I had decided to break the boring streak of my club-less life.
As fate would have it, a Lagos big boy (names withheld) had offered to take me go clubbing. Luckily for me he was in town on Friday. I called him up, and he was more than happy to take me out. A few minutes past 11 we were on our way to the Island (mainland clubs are mostly dry).
Our first stop was at ****** in Victoria Island. The bouncers in front of the club were unnecessarily annoying and not letting many people in. As smart guys who knew the club scene in Lagos well, we were armed. We both wore white bubas and sokotos. Our choice of attire worked. The bouncers let us in with no fuss.
Unfortunately the club was filled with too much Lebanese people. It wasn't our scene. There was too much dance music going on for two full blooded Yoruba men to enjoy. We left the joint thirty minutes later. Three bouncers followed us to my Lagos big boy's ride- a grey Mercedes Benz G-class. He gave them N3,000 and they prostrated like bachelors about to meet their in-laws for the first time.
Our next stop was the famous Quilox night club and that was when things got interesting. The crowd at the gate nearly deterred us from going in. Determined to club tonight, I encouraged my friend that we should try our luck. And luck was really on our side. Before we could find any space to park his car, two policemen signalled at us to drive inside the club premises and park.
The four bouncers had pushed away the crowd so that my friend's jeep could enter. We got into the club premises, parked and couldn't believe our luck. A staff of the night club quickly met us before we could get out of the jeep. He greeted us profusely, and told us we already had our spaces reserved for us at the V.I.P.
My friend and I looked at ourselves quickly. What was going on? As guy men we decided to keep quiet and go with the flow. We were ushered to the V.I.P and given two tables. While we were still trying to figure out what was going on, two bottles of Ciroc and four bottles of Champagne were brought to our tables. Omo guy! We didn't waste time. We drank and partied to the music from the in-house DJ.
During our merriment I noticed that the people sitting with us in the V.I.P were some of the biggest names in this state. What are we doing here? Is this a political retreat of some kind? I told my friend about my observation but I am sure he didn't listen. He was busy winking at a big bottom Yoruba actress who was smiling at him.
Well, this only happens once in a lifetime. Let me enjoy it while it lasts, I told myself. A few minutes past two, I noticed a lot of commotion was going on in the V.I.P. The bouncers were ushering somebody in, and everything was getting rowdy. I didn't get a good look at the person until he sat down. Oh my God! It was the Governor.
I quickly tapped my guy. He too was shocked when I showed him the Governor. The Governor at Quilox! And we were partying with him. This was the best Friday ever! Drinks started flowing like water, and all sorts of hot women started trooping in.
The 'big men' I had earlier noticed, started getting up one after the other to pay homage to the Governor. He shook some, hugged others, and nodded his head as a sign of acknowledgement to a few others. So that we won't be left out and get caught that we didn't belong here, my friend and I decided to greet the Governor. We slowly approached him. He greeted my friend first with a wave, then as I got closer his eyes lit up.
"Ah! O wa? (You came?) Iwo na fe turn up (You too want to turn up?). That's nice. We can't kill ourselves." He shook my hand, and told me to sit by his side. I was in dreamland here, confused to the bones. He told his P.A to fill my glass with Henny. At this time my heart was beating so fast. "So how is daddy? Sorry I couldn't make his 70th, I was in Abuja" said the Governor. He apologized for not making my father's 70th birthday. I was confused and lost. I just nodded and smiled. I told him 'daddy' understands. Whose daddy? I don't know. But I am sure there was an old man's birthday the Governor missed, and he was apologizing to me even though I wasn't his son.
The DJ switched to Shakitibobo and the club went wild. The Governor joined in, and started doing the 'Shakitibobo'. He was grinning from ear to ear. Mumu like me, I joined him too. My friend was codedly laughing where he was saw me and the Governor doing the shakitibobo. I am sure it was sight to behold.
After a few minutes of dancing, the Governor sat down. I did too. Then he started talking to me about his plans. He is thinking of making Don Jazzy his Commissioner of Entertainment but the Don of Bourdillon is pressurizing him to make Olamide the Commissioner of Entertainment. He asked for my advice. I told him Falz would be an option that will appease both parties.
He also asked me if he should open a SnapChat account. I told him no. Instagram is a better fit for him and his brand. We spoke some more about his plans, building a stadium with AC inside, bidding for the Olympics, how to take good selfies, and what filter to use.
An hour later, the Governor had to leave Quilox for more pressing matters. He shook my hand, and instructed his P.A to give me his card. He told me to visit him at the City House anytime. I smiled like a fool and just nodded. He left like how came- like a whirldwind.
I walked over to my friend and told him all that happened. It was crazy, the best night of my life. My friend had already grabbed his Yoruba actress by the waist after lying to her that he was party chieftain who will be running for senate in the next elections.
My dear readers, Friday was unbelievable. I turned up with the Governor at Quilox. How was your Friday night like?
P.S The Martian by Matt Damon is the best. Thumbs up to Ridley Scott for directing this masterpiece.