Let's talk

yinka ogunlami

July 18, 2017 4:16 PM

Let’s talk about settling for second best.

Let's talk

As a millennial woman, I can't help but worry about the men and women of today's society. No matter where you are in the world there seems to be a growing trend of being a "glorified side chick". Let me explain this position to you.

This is a woman who flaunts the fact that she is another woman's husband’s, girlfriend. This is someone who will defend her position and tell you all the benefits that come from dating a married man (or a man in a committed relationship).

Some people are deceived into thinking that the person they are dating is single, when in actual fact they are married or in a committed relationship. These women upon discovering this vital information, have a choice. Ladies and gentlemen, we all have a choice! Whilst the decision might be hard, you must remember who you are.

Trust is a vital part of any relationship. Understand that if the person that you are meant to be building a future with, can lie about such a monumental thing such as inviting family and friends to come and celebrate his union to another woman, what else has he lied about?

Please just take a moment and consider…

“How do you imagine your wedding day?”

Now think about that man that you have chosen to say, to, leaving your marital home to go and spit lyrics to another woman and start a relationship with her...

How does that feel?
You feel angry, right?
You’re heart hurts?
You’re even disgusted!

Therefore, we should not minimize and condone any person’s decision, male or female, to disrespect their relationship or marriage? Some of us have been taught that infidelity and polygamy is something that we should come to terms with, especially within our Nigerian households.

We are fed ideologies about financial security being more important that love, honour, loyalty and respect. Which leads many of us to settle for less than we deserve and want from our relationships. Whilst I believe in forgiveness, we owe it to ourselves to examine the patterns of behavior in our chosen partners. Change does not happen overnight.

What you experience within your relationship prior to marriage, is most likely what you will experience within marriage. Do you consider that there is a justified flaw within a husband’s wife, which warrants his extra-marital activities with you but not consider that he could find the same flaw within you and move on?

Life is hard, I get it, I’ve been there. You may be tired of being single. You may want a man to support you financially. Nonetheless, is it worth it? Every decision has a consequence, which is why we must have standards.

Let me leave you with some food for thought:

Understand what your limits are and be wise enough to know when you are being used for the advantage of another person.
Don’t allow the selfish desires of another, to ruin your destiny.
You should value your time, it’s the one thing that you can never get back.
Your health (

Written by Ms Tomilola

Instagram: @ms_tomilola Twitter: @ms_tomilola YouTube: Ms Tomilola Website: www.mstomilola.com

Email: mstomilola@gmail.com

yinka ogunlami