Women Talk Sex: ‘I can’t make the same mistake my mum made on sex education’

‘#WomenTalkSexByPulse’ is Pulse’s weekly series designed to capture the thoughts of everyday Nigerian women on sexual health, pleasure, and what women expect good sex to be and feel like. Feel free to fill this tiny form if you'd like to chat with us and feature on this series.

Sex education for girls in their formative years was at the center of this week’s #WomenTalkS3x conversation. Our 26-year-old interviewee has a lot to say about the subject, and she held nothing back. Read on.

Tell me how you came to know about sex

My earliest memory has to be when my mum started freaking out when I started having breasts at 9. She would go on and on telling me why I should be very careful of boys because they could impregnate me and ruin my life.

She ain’t lie

Sure, she didn’t. But I guess it was the manner of it. It was not like she was educating me or anything. She was just very scared and protective - as a mother should be - but then, her freaking out only made me very curious about a lot of things I didn’t care about prior to that time.

Things like what?

Please don’t judge me o. But I started staring at my younger brother’s penis differently. Not in an abusive way o, abeg, but like, very curious as to how men could use that to impregnate. Again, I had no accurate knowledge of how sex worked. I didn’t even know that the penis went into the vagina. I just knew that it could be used to impregnate me and ruin my life.

How and when was this knowledge gap filled though?

In school, with some of my street friends, you know, here and there. Eventually sha, I knew where the penis went but that was about it. I mean, we were all kids. It was much later that I learnt more and then everything became clearer after I started having sex.

What stood out for you about your first time? Can you remember?

It was the quickness, I’d say. It was pretty hurried and there was a lot of watching over our shoulders and fear of being caught. It is now that I hear people saying that the fear of being caught is hot and makes for a steamy experience. Back then, it surely didn’t feel like that for me.

So, two things: you were either doing it in a house full of people or you were you doing it with someone’s boyfriend

Actually, neither.

Oh. No?

Nope. So this was what happened: I and three of my friends were hanging out somewhere. Two guys and two babes in total. Two of them quickly went to get something, leaving me and this other guy behind. We'd both been feeling each other for a long time and things had lowkey been heating up prior to this time. Anyway, this was a perfect opportunity, so we rushed each other before they arrived. Lol. I always tell people that my first time was a quickie.

At least that makes it unforgettable

I guess you could say that.

Let me track back to the story you shared earlier about the time you started growing boobs

Alright. Go on.

How do you feel now about how your mum handled that phase of your childhood that could have been perfect for sex education?

Hmm. Well, for me, I don't dwell on it. In fact, the only time I ever think of it is when I see posts or conversations about sex education. I don’t think anything she said could have changed anything sha. I feel like things may have just played out exactly how they played out if she had been calm enough to educate me back then. But again, maybe it could have made a difference, I guess we’ll never know. In my opinion, she parented to the best of her knowledge and while I think she could have handled things better, -I mean, she is an educated woman - I have learnt to extend grace to her. I’ve eventually learnt about sex and having a healthy sex life now. And thankfully, nothing crazy or insane happened to me on that journey to this point. So I guess things turned out fine in the end. But I am not going to make that mistake with my own kids sha. I mean, I am not going to just hope when I can easily educate them and put them out of arm’s way even if it'll be marginally. Definitely not making my mum’s mistake in that regard.

G for growth. Love to see it. How old are you now?

26.

Random, yeah, but do you think you could ever gist your mum about your sex life at this your big age?

Lmao. First of all, she will probably not talk to me for life if she hears about the things I have done. Hahahaha.

LOL. Ok maybe not the details, but like pieces and bits of it. Say, a conversation on contraceptives or something as simple as that

See, I don’t know how other women are with their mums but I don’t think I and my mum are like that. And that is the funny thing. We are quite close. Not in a bestie way as some babes and their mums are, but you know, in a great way. We’re actually cool. But I don’t think I’ll ever be cool to the point of having that kind of conversation with her.

Let’s play a scenario game: what do you think would happen if you broached that kind of gist with her?

To be honest, thinking about it now, I don’t think I can say for sure. But I guess it’ll be weird. I don’t think she still thinks I’m a virgin but it’ll still be very weird to gist with her about that. I’m definitely not keen on finding out.

Hahaha. I never got to asking you about your sex life right now

Omo, we give glory to God o. We are not starving.

That’s something. Rate it over 10

My sex life? Right now, it is a 9. Going to my man’s house from here sef.

Ge ge!

Bye!

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