Why putting money before love is a dangerous way of thinking

Online and offline, Nigerians find it hard to divorce love from money. Is it because we see so much poverty around us we are afraid to fall victim or the insatiable need to show off to people?

Everyone wants to be better than their neighbours, we all grew up with our parents comparing us with other kids or boasting about our achievements with other kids. That philosophy shows up in people's perception of love because people are looking for financial security. Why shouldn’t they? Apart from infidelity, the most common reason for stress in marriages is financial issues.

More and more people are unmarried and stay so well into their 30s because of financial concerns.

While starting a family needs money, love does not. Somehow, Nigerian women have grown up with the belief that men - even those with who they are not romantically involved need to cater for them, and Nigerian men have also grown up with the belief that money is all they need to woo a woman. They are neglecting important things like compatibility and the time it takes to experience growth.

Additionally, gifts and money does not equate love. A man doesn't love you because he spends money on you. Love has to do with how how much he regards you and someone who regards you highly will respect, care for you and be generous with you.

It is important to have a good job or business and earn well, very important in fact, but to think that one cannot love or be in a relationship simply because one does not have enough money - yet is to miss an arc of self-development most of our parents passed through.

Nigerian women say that men who want them to ‘reason with them’ or go through periods of lack glamorize suffering and endurance. They want to be babied and pampered.

Nigerian men, on the other hand, feel like women are only with them when they have money and because of money. How about working to maximize their earning capacity individually and collectively?

Former First Lady of the United States, Michelle Obama during her book tour said. “There was a time when I was in 70% and I felt like he was in 30%. In terms of the choices I made I had to take my foot off the career pedal never putting on the brake but slowing up a bit. Those are the natural consequences that are required and I feel bad when I see young people giving up on their relationships because there are periods of hard."

"So, I think it’s important for us to be honest in those conversations and not to glamorize what a partnership feels like. Because young people quit too soon, they quit before they’ve played out the full scenario.”

No one is saying you will be broke forever, and there is no reason why you should remain broke, but you can't pause love and relationships because of money.