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Relationship Talk Should I ask for a relationship now or should I still chill?

Should I give her time and space, or should I just go ahead and ask?

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Confused young man play

Confused young man


Dear Bukky,

I am an avid reader of your posts and on account of how you deal with issues of relationships, I am more than confident to share mine with you for a possible way out.

I met this girl some weeks ago here in Nigeria. She's a student, studying pharmacy in Turkey.

I immediately walked up to her, exchanged some pleasantries and I asked for her contact which she obliged.

The next day, I got her a flower which she reluctantly accepted because she is the shy type and I was obviously a stranger at the time.

The next day, she sent me an international number, telling me she was traveling back to turkey the next day and that I could only reach her on the said line.

Now, she's in Turkey and we have been chatting since then.

Just a while back she attacked me of not being ready for a relationship now.

Mind you, I have not officially asked her yet but I really like her and I guess she got that hint from the flower I bought her.

She even told me that she took the flower with her to Turkey.

To me, she's all I have ever wanted in a lady but I think she's building a wall of "Hey... don't come near me" around herself.

I don't want to rush things but I am deeply in love with her.

I have decided to give her a breathing space till her birthday, which is next month.

I have a feeling she loves me by our previous conversations but I just can't seem to figure out how best to get her.

Do I give her time?  Do I let her be for now? Do I just maintain a platonic relationship with her for now? 

What can I do to win her love notwithstanding the distance? Should I just damn the consequences and ask her out?

Please I need your advice.

Dear reader;

Thanks for trusting me with this.

I think she likes you and in my opinion, there are few reasons here which may be pointing in that direction.

If she’s already talking to you about not being ready for a relationship, then she must have thought about it and assessed your suitability for a relationship with her.

That she said  ‘you are not ready for a relationship’ could mean two things;

One, it could mean that you do not meet her imagination of what a perfect partner should be like… yet.

And secondly it could mean that you are dragging your feet. It’s more like an invitation to ask her out and this is the interpretation I’d go with if I were in your shoes.

She took the flower with her to turkey, so it means something to her and of course if it does, there’s a likelihood that the giver means something to her, too.

She gave you her international number when she could have easily ignored to. If she wanted you off her case, that was the perfect opportunity to do so.

And then you seem quite confident that she likes you. Add these things together and it seems clear enough to me that the coast is clear for you to proceed.

However, if you are not ready for a relationship – mentally, financially, and other ramifications -  then, please do not ask her out.

But if you keep hovering around her life, then you better make up your mind fast or move out of the way for her to concentrate on other people as it would be selfish to awaken her passion and get her interested without any intention on acting on those feelings.

But then again, I think you should go ahead and ask her out, bearing in mind all the possibilities of a long-distance relationship.

Do you want to talk about your love life, marriage or family issues?

Do you have burning questions that you would love to get answers to?

Just send a mail,  include your location and detail your issues to relationships@pulse.ng.

I'll provide the most honest answers to them anonymously.

So, why not send that mail today and let's talk about it?

A problem shared is a problem half-solved!

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