The fact that it comes up often means it’s important to people, but as usual, the discussion requires nuance.
In 2022, who cooks in a marriage? [Pulse Editor's Opinion]
Who cooks? The wife or the husband?
I love to cook and I am unmarried, so whenever this cooking discussion comes up, I feel ill-equipped to chime in and even more uninterested in it, but what if I am turning a blind eye to an important subject matter?
Plus, women have been killed, beaten, thrown out and wounded because they did not cook for their husbands.
We cannot deny that we live in a patriarchal world where women cook more but let’s rely on some data.
Data from the Gallup World Poll in 2018/2019 accessed 145,417 people in 142 countries through telephone and face-to-face interviews to collect data to ascertain the frequency in which genders cook lunch and dinner.
What was the result?
Women cook more than men. The research revealed that “Across the globe, cooking frequency varied considerably; dinner was cooked more frequently than lunch; and, women (median frequency 5 meals/week) cooked both meals more frequently than men (median frequency 0 meals/week).”
Historically, men went out to bring raw food and women cooked it. As society has evolved, women are still known for cooking.
I grew up in a home where my mom always reminded me to learn to cook and stay with her in the kitchen - but I rarely did. Though, I learnt how to cook because I liked it and by just breezing in and asking a few questions.
However, I realise that other young ladies might have a different experience. From the moment they were old enough, they began cooking for their entire family, and they hated it.
I know some ladies who would rather starve than cook.
For most men (exceptions exist), cooking was never on their mind, they only had to ask their mother or sisters what meal was prepared.
I had male friends who never cooked while in the university. It just seemed unnecessary, they always bought food.
Some of these men felt that when they got married their wives would take up the roles of the restaurant they visited.
There is subset of private university students in Nigeria (male and female) who can't cook and who never learnt.
In our current society, it is rather unfair to expect only women to cook. They also work full-time jobs.
So, what happens if your woman doesn’t want to cook and neither does the man?
First, it’s unlikely that every food you eat is outsourced - for the sole reason that it is expensive.
Plus, you don’t know how these meals are prepared and you are more likely to eat unhealthy meals when you order food.
So even though, it’s great to say 'we’d just buy food', it cannot always be the solution.
Any easy solution for the rich is to have a chef who lives in-house.
Cooking in bulk and refrigerating is always always a much better idea. Anyone who says I want fresh food should know how to cook fresh meals.
Lastly, marriage is about sacrifice and compromise. If we come into marriage full of ourselves and ideals and unwilling to change, then we will end up unhappy. Who sacrifices? Who compromises? I can’t answer that.
But perhaps we should marry kind people firstly and then those with whom there is an agreement on issues like this.
The answer to who cooks the food in a marriage is rather simple - the person who wants to cook!
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