Nigeria is not one of the top 10 countries with the highest divorce rates in the world. According to the Guinness World Records, that title belongs to Maldives, Russia, Aruba, Belarus, and the United States in that order. However, marriages in Nigeria also run into troubled waters and at a rather disturbing rate.
Records from customary courts across the country highlight this. Also, not all marital crises result in divorce; sometimes, the love they once shared only wanes severely. Many couples cite ‘irreconcilable differences’ as their reason for divorce. but findings have shown that those differences didn’t just come from nowhere. They are issues that needed management before spiraling out of control. So we made a list of reasons why Nigerian marriages fail so that couples could avoid such things.
Why Nigerian Marriages Fail: The Top Ten Reasons
This is no doubt one of the leading reasons why Nigerian marriages fail. Let us also say that both sexes are guilty of it. From the withdrawal of affection to actual sexual involvement with someone else outside marriage. Even mere suspicion of infidelity has led to the collapse of many marriages. This cause of marital problems can be biological or social.
After physical attraction, one major factor that you need to give attention is compatibility. You need to know if you can cope with the person’s lifestyle and character or not. Marriages become problematic when couples make certain discoveries about their partners. And these discoveries come after living together for some time. Several people take the issue of compatibility lightly, but it is a serious factor that people should pay attention to.
Issues that relate to finance are a major cause of stress in many homes. They are a major reason why Nigerian marriages fail. Sometimes, this happens when a man is unable to meet the financial needs of the home. Or he lies about his income or he's not doing enough to fulfill that obligation. This is a strong factor that you should pay attention to. This is because to an extent, it’s at the heart of the survival or otherwise of the marriage.
Sometimes, people come up with habits their partners never knew them to have. Some of them are smoking; binge drinking; among other behavioral patterns. Experts say it could be helpful if people discuss their tendencies. Your partner's inability to cope with such habits could lead to the end of your marriage.
Sexual Dissatisfaction Is A Reason Why Nigerian Marriages Fail
This could happen to both men and women, but for different reasons. Men are known to reach sexual satisfaction faster than women. So sexual dissatisfaction for men could be the woman’s non-cooperation during the act. Or when they have a higher libido than the woman. But for women, dissatisfaction usually stems from the man’s inability to satisfy them during the act. Sexual dissatisfaction could result in frustration, anger, nagging and lack of faith in your union. You have to intentionally work on sexual intimacy with your partner.
According to psychologists and marriage counselors, the success of your marriage depends on your communication as a couple. Communication helps couples to bond, resolve their differences, state their dissatisfaction. Generally, you live a life void of malice and even resolve issues from in-laws. Communication has also helped to eliminate a couple’s insecurities about each other. This, no doubt, helps to avoid wrong assumptions. In effect, when communication breaks down, your marriage is heading for a collapse.
This is another top reason for divorce and a reason why Nigerian marriages fail. Especially where the partners turn themselves into punching bags. In this situation, the abuser does not respect his or her partner and could lead to serious trouble in the home. The rise of feminism and awareness has helped many women walk away from abusive marriages. If you are in an abusive marriage you should get out too before it is too late.
A partner who is selfish and always put his or her interest above the other is courting trouble. The deprived partner may start to feel unwanted and unloved. When there are too many needs that are neglected, the unloved spouse will end up feeling ignored. This brings on a destructive form of manipulation, control, and jealousy.
A marriage that stands the test of time is often built on respect, acceptance, admiration, appreciation and emotional safety. If you want to stay long and happy in your marriage, have mutual respect. Disrespect brings about anger and frustration which can escalate to impatience, labeling, criticism, and hurt. A spouse who keeps ridiculing his or her partner is looking for trouble. It is a recipe for disaster.
Involving Third Parties
Some couples make the mistake of inviting third parties into their homes whenever they have problems. They do this instead of sitting down together and resolving the issues. Many Nigerians tell people their problem. The more you let others into your affairs, you open your defenses to outsiders who would be quick to pass judgment on you.
This article was first published on AfricaParent.com