"Before the child grows"

Nneka narrated the gist of her escapade with David to her friends, who listened intently as she described perfectly the scenes of the previous night with her crush. She missed no detail as she created a perfect imagination of her narration to her friends, at least she owed them a succinct detail, after all they were the ones that advised her to give David a chance, and she is beginning to like that advice she once detested, just after one night with him.

Mirian could no longer endure her ignorance, she has heard a lot of words that she didn’t understand, but she felt shy to ask, she was scared of the embarrassment she got the last time she asked for what it meant for someone to be turned on. She was laughed at, before Cynthia explained it to him.

This time she didn’t understand the context of ‘wet’ in Nneka’s statement, as much as she didn’t want to be embarrassed, she needed to know the answer.

“Please Nneka, what does it mean for a girl to get wet?” she blurted out without checking if it was the best way to phrase the question.

“What? Don’t tell me you are so naïve that you don’t know the meaning of wet?” Nneka exclaimed, shocked at question her friend asked.

“You mean…”

A lot of us grew up with the almighty formula of staying indoors under lock and keys even when we are doing nothing, all in the name of discipline; we grew up with the Binary sequence of staying on our own, talking to no one except members of our family from dawn to dusk.

Probably, we inherited or learnt these formulas from our parents who deny us the basic codes of association with peers, all in the name of being strict and disciplined, even when they don't censor the movies we watch.

They breed us into nerds and book maniacs. And most of us form alliance with eye glasses even before we are 10, all because we have been embedded with the wrong codes that life depends on only what we get from lines and white pages; they make us flirt with books like it was going to be a life partner. And out of respect, and most times fear, we say "I do", allowing ourselves to be knotted with books for better, for worse.

Our parents do all these in the guise that they are protecting us from woes that we would still meet when we get out of our rooms, which they would eventually open when time and nature calls for change.

They forget that these formulas of Non Association, which they teach us can never solve any social equation, it makes us stupid and confused, when we are finally let out of our rooms to mingle in the society.

We end up meeting new teachers and programmers, and because we lack the basic codes, these Programmers format our brains and install whatever pleases them, and whatever programs they install, are what we live by for the most part of our lives.

As much as I am in support of morality and charity beginning from home, I still say a big NO to parents who lie under the phrase to deny their kids the basic things they should know about the society.

Teach that child to associate with friends, but also remember to tell him or her that in the midst of Angels, there are demons; teach the child about the opposite sex, but also inculcate in him or her that in the pleasures of whatever lies beneath the waist of an opposite sex, there is a consequence.

A child with a good sex education can never fall prey to the societal temptations, because he or she already knows the basics. And even when she does, she knows the access codes to the exit point.

Most people get wild after a good start, because they want to have some fun of what they've been denied of while they grew up.

Children who discuss their relationship status with their parents, shall rarely fall prey to relationship scandals, because they are already wise enough to know when he or she loves them or not. Don't scare your children away with a tantrum or spanking when they announce that they are dating a friend, rather, get close enough to know who the friend is, find out the social impact they can make on your kids and advise your kids from your findings.

If you scare your kids away at any mention of relationship, then you would be living with pretenders who would be saints when you are around and demons when you are not.

As much as most conventional elders might shut me up, I would be glad if my son could walk up to me and say

"Dad, I am crushing on a girl and I don't know how to go about it"

Then I would sit him down and explain in details the good and bad of relationships, and as well advise him to start one or wait to a later age.

The problem we have most times is that when our Parents teach us about sex, relationship and lifestyle, they only tell us all the bad about it and nothing good. And when we meet the society, it teaches us the both sides, and then we feel our Parents lied to us, because they only told us about one side of the coin instead of the both.

Teach the kids the both sides and advise them on the better part, your advice can influence them only if they know you are telling them the truth. So that when the society meets them, they would realize it was same page and nothing different.

Augustus Bill

www.augustusbill.blogspot.com