Advice for Making Your Long-Distance Relationship Work, According to Experts

Being in a long-distance relationship is one of the most difficult things to pull of successfully. Why? There has to be communication and, more importantly, there has to be trust. Without either, all youre doing is meeting someone attractive on vacation, sleeping with them, and then lying to yourself for a considerable amount of time that being exclusive with each other is a really good idea.

So while I may not be the best person to give advice on maintaining a long-distance relationship, I can certainly tell you what does not work, and can offer solutions from real-life psychologists and relationship expertsmany of whom are actually good at being in long-distance relationships.

Have a Game Plan

Setting expectations is the first and most important step in maintaining a long-distance relationship. Whether youre in the same time zone or on opposite sides of the world, its best to talk to each other about realistic expectations in terms of communication, visits, and, well, everything else.

Do Not: Over-promise or break plans.

Do: Give each other the freedom and flexibility to change plans, but also emphasize the importance of setting expectations.

Each couple who is in a long-distance relationship has their own unique needs, wants, and expectations, and it takes time and patience to figure out what works best for each couple, says Dr. Kelifern Pomeranz, Psy.D., and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist. Communication needs to be on point in terms of expectations around daily/weekly contact, and what happens if one individual is busier than the other and has less time to devote to contact, visits, and how conflict will be managed.

Questions to consider: How often will we chat for? For how long? How frequent will the visits be? How will visits be paid for? If there is a fight, what are our agreements about hanging up or not answering texts?

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Coordinate Schedules

For many couples, being in a long-distance relationship isn't a challenge: It's precisely what makes the relationship work. But all couples who are trying to maintain their long-distance relationships should try to coordinate schedules so that their partner has time to feel like the priority.

Do Not: Call your partner in the middle of seven other tasks, or schedule your conversation for the end of the night when you know youre likely going to be exhausted.

Do: Make sure youre on the same page about when communication will be meaningful and prioritized.

"I recommend coordinating your schedules so you can have undistracted communication at a time of the day that works for each of you," says Dr. Rachel Needle, psychologist and certified sex therapist. (Dr. Needle has also been in a long-distance relationship for the past three years.)

"Get into a rhythm of communicating with your partner that is comfortable for both of you. Work on having meaningful discussions at times, rather than just check-ins and catch ups so you can grow closer despite the physical distance," she adds.

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Have More Meaningful Conversations

When youre talking on the phone consistently, you may run into a little bit of a conversational rut because you might not have something incredibly exciting to say. Its not just you, most people dont have something newsworthy that happens to them daily. Thats why its important to have more meaningful or at least different conversations, so you dont grow bored of one another.

Do Not: Ask your partner the old How was your day?

Do: Ask an open-ended question that can lead to learning something new about your partner.

Use open-ended thought-starters like Whats something that made you laugh?, Whats something you love that youve never told anyone about?, or What do you remember most about that time when suggests Dr. Jess OReilly, Ph.D., sexologist, relationship expert, and We-Vibe sex expert. New questions will lead to new perspectives and new opportunities to celebrate each other.

Of course, dont force it. You dont need to have an earth-shattering conversation every single time you talk on the phone, but it is something to keep in mind when your daily calls start to feel tedious and underwhelming.

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Video Chat

When it comes to relationships, technology can certainly be a silent killersocial media stalking, anyone?but it can also be a relationship saver. With more ways to communicate now than ever before, your partner might live in Bangkok but look and sound like they're in the same room. Video chatting is one of the most effective ways to build intimacy with long distance relationships.

Do Not: Stalk your significant others friends or followers and create stories in your head about how they might have met this person.

Do: Make time to look each other in the eye.

"I recommend using video chat to couples in long distance relationships," says Dr. Tom Murray, psychologist and certified sex therapist. "Order the same meal at a chain restaurant and eat it together. This allows for a shared experience."

For maintaining a sexual relationshipbecause, let's face it, you're going to be horny and alone many, many nightsDr. Murray recommends couples masturbate with each other. Do it over the phone, or even better, with video.

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Have FaceTime Sex

Its great to see your partners face when theyre talking to you, but its also great to see them, do well, other things. FaceTime sex is a great way to sexually bond with your partner.

Do Not: Take it too seriously.

Do: Have fun with it.

Dr. Murry recommends that couples masturbate with each other. Weve seen an uptick of people having . Couples who are enjoying it say that they really take their time with it. They dont immediately whip out their dicks or show their boobs; they tease their partner. Sometimes they even engage in a little virtual , giving their partner commands over the phone.

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Have Phone Sex

If FaceTime sex isnt your speed, then take a step back and have regular phone sex (where you dont see your partner). Some people prefer only hearing their partners voice and using their imagination.

Do Not: Be silent.

Do: Have a sexy phone voice.

If youre not sure what to say, Daniel Saynt, founder of The New Society for Wellness (NSFW) , a sex-positive members-only club that hosts sexual education workshops with a focus in BDSM, suggests listening to some erotica. For a full list on phone sex tips, head here !

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Use Long-Distance Sex Toys

Did you know that there are sex toys you can control from thousands of miles away using apps? Yeah, the future is here, my friends. Heres actually a .

Do Not: .

Do: Get creative with when and where you use .

Just because youre apart doesnt mean your sex life has to suffer, says Dr. Jess. With couples toys like We-Vibe Chorus and the We-Connect app, you can play and share control of the toy from anywhere. While one partner wears Chorus, the other can control the deep rumbly vibrations. Novelty AND an orgasm? Its a win-win!

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Maintain Your Individual Lives

Wondering and worrying about your partner (where they are, what they're doing) can become obsessive, especially if there isnt enough communication or trust.

Do Not: Follow each other on Find My Friends. That is creepy and a little controlling.

Do: Maintain your own life.

"A common problem I see in long-distance relationships are couples that are enmeshed, meaning they communicate all throughout the day and spend hours on the phone or video chatting all night," says Dr. Pomeranz. "This causes each individual to isolate themselves from their friends and can lead to increased feelings of insecurity and jealousy, particularly if their partner's schedule becomes busier."

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Include Your Significant Other In Your Own Life

If youre already great at having a fulfilling life outside of your partner, thats awesome. But dont forget to include your significant other in that life when they come to visit.

Do Not: Keep your worlds separate. It will breed suspicion and jealousy, not to mention that the way to build intimacy is to let your partner truly know all sides of you, the same as you would if you lived in the same place.

Do: Make time to introduce your friends and colleagues to your significant other when he or she is in town. Make them feel included.

"Building a life and strong support system outside of your romantic relationship can be helpful," says Dr. Needle. "When possible, include your partner in that life when he/she is in town."