Nigerians are used to complaining about everything; a lot of us are in love-hate relationships with our network providers. Every day, we have tales of woe to share about the injustices meted out to us by these people.
A lot of times, you're driven close to tears by the rubbish fluctuating Internet service. To make matters worse, you can’t even make calls in peace. But you have to remind yourself that you're an independent, strong black person and network can't make you cry.
And then they suck your data like straw and before you blink 5 times, your data plan is exhausted. So you hustle to get money and buy another bundle because you have to be online to set P and keep abreast of the latest trends. But then the Internet still doesn't work!
After graduating and completing NYSC, you've been job-hunting for five years. Finally, your fasting and prayers are about to be answered and you're in the final stage of the recruitment for a multinational company. All you have to do is take an online psychometric test, but that is the day you discover that your network provider is vehemently opposed to your success.
So now that you've probably lost the opportunity of a lifetime, you need family and friends to console and comfort you. Perhaps you'll feel better if you Skype or Facetime bae, love is a medicine after all. But your network provider really doesn't to allow you any joy at all, no matter how small. It is their duty to keep you sad at all times. Just hug your pillow and drink your tears.
You can't even go and hang out with your friends in peace because all of them have online gist that you aren't privy to because, evil network. Everyone is discussing Rihanna's new video, but you aren't even aware there was a song to start with.
Everyday is a series of unfortunate events as your network provider actively tries to kill you with frustration. Your tears can really generate a river that can provide electricity, all you need is a Kaiinji dam.
All of a sudden you're a social pariah because no one was kind enough to tell you about Airtel's #Youarewelcome. There's nothing left to do but document all these injustices so you can tell God when you get to heaven- right after drowning in your tears.
But finally, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and a God-sent good Samaritan informs you about Airtel's #Youarewelcome. And you waste no time joining the correct network that is the solution to all your network woes.
Within minutes of joining Airtel #Youarewelcome, everything is looking like rainbows and stars. Super-fast internet and clear voice calls. You've definitely died and gone to heaven!