For crying out loud! - The “perfect” partner

We sit down and envision ourselves with this epitome of perfection; someone who is similar to us in some ways and different in others - someone who completes us absolutely, who fits perfectly.

So do I think this 'perfect partner' exists?

Absolutely.

Obviously many of us fail to realize this and that's the problem; we're the problem.

We search so hard for the perfect person forgetting that we ourselves are not perfect, nobody is.

This brings me to my point - it's impossible to be perfect as a person, what is possible, is to be perfect for a person.

I'll break it down.

Many of us have what we term 'deal-breakers'; a deal-breaker is a quality that a particular individual cannot overlook and ultimately outweighs any redeeming qualities the individual may possess.

It's absolutely normal to have deal breakers. I, for one, cannot be with anybody who is short-tempered. That being said, a lot of us have taken advantage of this term and stretched it way past its limit.

What am I saying?

If you meet a person you really like (and when I say like, I mean something organic, a lot of us are mistaken), you share a connection with this person – the whole enchilada, you should be ready to accept the person as he/she is. I'm not saying you should like everything about the person, not at first, but accepting the person is the first step.

It's when you've accepted the person that you can both gradually work on the flaws.

This is why communication is important.

We often hear people make comments like "I can't change for any man..." or talk about how nobody is worth them changing who they are for.

That's a narrow minded way to look at it. How about we stop seeing it as "changing" for him/her and start seeing it as "becoming" a better version of yourself for him/her.

I'll paint a picture. Say I meet someone I like and everything is great, we like the same songs, movies, shows, have great conversations etc. but over time I notice he talks too much. Being talkative is a bad thing but am I just going to ignore the fact that every other thing is great because of this one flaw? I don't think so.

Why?

Because what are the chances that the next person I meet who isn't talkative would like the same things I like? The universe doesn't work like that.

I would give it a try and in the course of our relationship, try to work on those parts of him that are not so great, so he can be perfect for me and he would do the same with me. If we really like each other, it wouldn't be so hard.

I'm not saying anybody should settle for less, shouldn't have deal-breakers or should tolerate any and every thing.

I mean, physical, emotional and verbal abuse would always be intolerable and many other things too but there are other habits/flaws (like physical appearance, bad fashion sense, shyness) that can be worked on too.

Basically, I feel we need to be realistic. We shouldn't set unreasonable or unattainable standards for ourselves only to mourn later about how there are no good girls/guys out there.

If he or she has what you're looking for, go for it. They may have what you're not looking for in addition. That's for both of you to fix.

About the Author

IG @iwriteorwrong