How to host your mother-in-law and not get the lazy wife stare

As a Nigerian, you know firsthand what pressure means because you're introduced to it early in life. But you also know there's a certain pressure that comes with hosting your mother-in-law.

Somehow, it always feels like a live audition to prove that you’re not just “the one her son married,” but also the full-package woman who can run a home, fry plantain evenly, and still smile like you weren’t up at 5 a.m. sweeping imaginary dust.

Trust me, there's no shortcut to passing the mother-in-law test. However, the good news is that with a bit of intention, finesse, and strategic calmness, you can host your MIL and leave her singing your praises.

So, how do you host your mother-in-law without catching the infamous “lazy wife” stare? Let’s dive in.

ALSO READ: Real Stories: My mother-in-law used juju to ruin my marriage

Preparation is everything. If you wait till her arrival before doing a deep clean, you’ve already failed step one. A few days before her visit, do a once-over: tidy up the house, sort out bathrooms, ensure the guest room smells fresh, and double-check that the generator isn’t doing its own NEPA version of “hide and seek.”

She’s not just visiting, she’s observing. The less you have to “fix” on the day she comes, the more relaxed (and impressive) you’ll look.

This isn’t the week to experiment with quinoa bowls or try to convert her to oat milk. Stick with what works: classic Nigerian dishes done very well. Find out her favorites through your husband or siblings-in-law and make sure they’re on the menu at least once.

Bonus points if you can make her childhood dish just the way she likes it. Trust, amala has united more hearts than therapy ever has.

But don’t stress yourself to death - spread the meals across her stay, not in one day. She came to visit, not to attend a banquet.

Yes, you’re hosting. But don’t turn into a headless chicken running from the kitchen to the parlour to the bedroom. Be present. Chat with her. Sit and gist. Ask about her village tales or her younger days. Let her feel seen and respected—not just as “husband’s mum,” but as a woman too.

It’s in those small, intimate moments that trust and fondness begin to build.

Don’t let him disappear just because it’s his mother. This is the time to hand him tasks subtly: “Babe, please can you help Mummy fix the TV?” or “Can you take Mummy out for suya while I prep dinner?”

It shows teamwork and balance. Also, if she sees her precious son relaxed and happy under your roof, you win major points.

Tension is easy to spot - and mothers-in-law are trained to sniff it out like pepper in jollof rice. Don’t get passive-aggressive with your husband or act moody because you’re “tired.” Take breaks when you need to. Smile often. Let her feel peace in your home, even if it’s temporary.

And if she’s difficult or cold? Maintain your calm. Grace wins wars, sis.

ALSO READ: Why Nigerian mothers-in-law are famously hard to impress

Hosting your mother-in-law is never just about good food and a clean house. It’s about energy, poise, and presence.

You don’t have to exhaust yourself to prove you’re not a lazy wife. You just have to show her that your home runs well - with love, laughter, and just enough pepper to remind her that her son is in good hands.