Is Housework Still a Woman’s Job? Why Teniola Aladese’s Comment Hit a Nerve

It’s 7:48 p.m. The rice is burning. The baby is crying. The woman in the kitchen just logged off from a full workday. Her husband is in the living room watching football.

This is a visual and typical rendition of the nursery rhyme we all chanted as kids, and a vivid representation of what goes on in many Nigerian homes.

In many Nigerian homes, if a man cooks consistently, washes plates, and does laundry without being asked, he is praised as exceptional. If a woman does the same, she is simply behaving normally, since "men provide and protect and women are naturally better at nurturing."

When Teniola Aladese questioned on That’s What She Said why housework is still treated as a woman’s default responsibility, she didn’t attack the institution of marriage or insult tradition. She asked a question that many people would rather avoid:

If women now work full-time and still chip in to the household finances, why are they still expected to do everything at home? In her words, 

For decades, Nigerian homes were structured around a clear exchange: men provided financially, and women managed the domestic sphere. It was presented not just as practical but also moral. 

Stability depended on clearly defined roles. A “good man” brought money home. A “good woman” built the home around it.

But that’s simply what we were made to believe. In the olden days, our foremothers worked and managed the home. They weren’t full-time housewives. 

They helped their husbands on the farm, traded at the market and still managed the home. The burden on women has always been since time immemorial. The only difference between then and now is that our foremothers had zero control over their earnings and depended completely on their husbands. 

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In many Nigerian marriages today, women earn salaries and run businesses, contributing to rent, school fees, and family expenses. They pay rent. They split bills. They sponsor siblings. They support extended family. Some even out-earn their husbands.

Yet somehow, the kitchen remains their territory by default. The laundry is their responsibility. The mental checklist of what the children need belongs to them.

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If (the faux assumption of) complete provision was once the justification for exemption from housework, what happens when provision becomes shared? If both partners leave the house at 7 a.m. and return at 6 p.m., why does only one of them begin the “second shift”?

The truth we avoid is this: emotional labour and domestic competence are not biological instincts. They are taught. Girls are corrected into them. Boys are excused from them. If you grew up in a Nigerian household, you already know this. 

If roles outside the home have modernised, but roles inside the home remain frozen in the 1970s, then what we are practising is selective progress.

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Many women grew up hearing:

“A good wife wakes before her husband.” “Even if you earn more, don’t disrespect him.” “Don’t let outsiders know the depth of his pocket.”

The message here is that domestic labour is proof of character.

A woman who does not perform it enthusiastically risks being labelled lazy, stubborn, or “too exposed". Meanwhile, a man who participates visibly risks subtle mockery. His masculinity becomes a topic of conversation.

A woman who rejects the traditional status quo is labelled difficult, insulted, and threatened with the goodness of being alone for the rest of her life. But if you dare insult a man’s inability to provide, you obliterate his ego, stomp on his mental health and are accused of broke-shaming the head of the family.

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The uncomfortable irony is that the tasks used to measure a woman’s worth in marriage—cooking, cleaning, and maintaining a home—are billion-naira industries where men thrive. 

In restaurants, it’s culinary excellence. In hotels, it’s operations management. In corporate cleaning firms, it’s facilities leadership. But in marriage, it is just “what a good wife should do". 

This passes one loud, screeching message: A wife is simply an unpaid labourer. But that’s not the major topic. 

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Many men tend to think housework is a breeze in the park. Ask a few men around you what they think of housewives, and you’d realise many of them believe all they do is sit at home all day doing nothing while their husbands wade through crocodile-infested waters in search of daily bread. 

Just recently, a nursing mother left her newborn with her husband and left for good. The husband came to TikTok to lament about how it has not been easy coupling childcare with his job. Yet, this and more are expected of women. 

Many women of this generation do not desire marriage or children simply because they saw their mothers’ exhaustion, and they saw the imbalance and the treatment they received. None of which was palatable and desirable. 

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Cooking, cleaning, caring for children – none of these are inferior tasks. Homes don’t run on vibes but hard labour.

If you listen closely to how we speak, you’d hear the term ‘help’ when it comes to men doing chores in the house: he 'helps' with the kids. He helps with the laundry. 

Meanwhile, women “take care” of the home. The word ‘help’ implies that ownership belongs to someone else.

If a man is helping, then the house is ultimately the woman’s responsibility. He is assisting her project. He is volunteering in her domain.

Now, many people insist, “But it works for us.” Of course it does — sometimes. Some women genuinely prefer traditional arrangements. Some men are deeply involved partners.

But if exhaustion in marriage is predominantly female, then this is not about individual preference, especially if everyone is expected to follow the same traditional pattern.

Ask a Nigerian man what type of woman he wants, and you’d hear him say something along the lines of "I want a financially buoyant woman, a career woman, a woman who can hold her own, an independent woman.” That’s not all. They also want her to be homely, domesticated, and nurturing.

Regardless of her achievements in life, her worth is mainly measured by how seamlessly she performs domestic servitude.

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In practice, yes. In principle, we pretend it isn’t. That contradiction is the real issue Teniola touched on.

We call ourselves modern, champion equality, and talk about empowerment. But the reality inside many homes remains deeply entrenched in traditional roles and doctrines.

The question isn’t whether men can wash plates but why shared responsibility still feels like generosity instead of baseline decency.