The Adventures of a Lagos Photographer Part 1

The sleeping girl tried to roll off but I dragged her closer to me. Her body was soft and smooth, made smoother by the cold air. She snuggled into me, trying to get some bodily warmth. Even though it was a purely innocent action, my body jumped to attention. The smile on her face at my new state of bodily affairs made me doubt that the act was truly innocent.

I didn't even know her name. All I know was that she looked very pretty in her pink and grey dress. Usually ushers aren't dressed too nicely....don’t ask me why, I've given up trying to understand the rationale behind it. However, she looked good in her pink and grey dress and all her friends looked like weeds around my beautiful rose flower. Corny right?!

I turned on my full swag before approaching the lady. I hid my camera, make she no be like say because I be photographer she no go answer me. Luckily for me I was dressed very well, my white dry lace on point with my pink fila.

'Hello' I said in my deepest voice; my fake British accent in full operation.

'Would you like a place to sit sir?' She asked with her nicest smile. 'O boy', I thought to myself, 'this one na babe'.

I told her that I would like to see her after the wedding reception and she shyly agreed. Thinking that I had hit jackpot, I smiled and walked off to continue my work, careful to stay away from where she was stationed. The wedding couldn't end quickly enough, I wanted to sharply start setting this «P» as they say in twitterville. As luck would have it, the reception started to wind down slowly. I was getting excited and had to stop myself from licking my lips. I looked around the hall, trying to spot Miss Rose flower. If things go well, this chairman would be having a treat tonight. Failing to spot her, I decided to stroll out and chill for her outside. I'd like to think that the spirit led my feet.

I spotted Miss Rose flower climbing into the passenger side of a powerful range rover sport. My mouth fell open as my brain tried to process that my midnight action was steadily becoming a mirage. She leaned over and placed a light peck on the driver who could have been my father. Might I add that I'm not a very young boy so you can imagine how old that guy must have been. The range turned and she sighted me; my mouth open and my camera hanging by my side. She waved at me shyly as the car sped off. It occurred to me moments later how stupid I must have looked at the time. Closing my mouth, I strolled back into the hall trying to take stock of the situation. To say things weren't going according to plan would have been the greatest understatement of the year.

Grabbing the nearest chair I sat down, taking my situation into consideration. I was so deep in thought that I didn't notice when another usher sit beside me. She took off her shoes and started to massage her long fair legs. Trust me to notice an opportunity. I didn't dull at all.

'Long day?' I asked

'Yes,' she answered shyly and continued massaging her feet. I didn’t have time to talk too much, I wanted some action and it seemed like this was my substitute. I asked her if she wanted to go for drinks. She hesitated.

'Er, I’m kinda waiting for someone'

'The bar isn’t too far from here, I said 'You could have them come get you from there'.

There was a brief moment of hesitation before she agreed. The rest, they say, was history.

* * *

She smiled shyly the next morning as she gathered her clothes and hurriedly dressed up. In the morning light, she looked prettier that she did yesterday with all the make up on her face.

'Er, could I have your number?' she asked. Mehn, this babe isn’t dulling o.

'Sure why not?' I said as I reeled off the number. I was glad to get a good lay but mehn, make the babe no dey chase me o. Five minutes later she was not leaving and I was getting worried. I started to dress up, hoping she would take the hint.

'Are you going out', she asked.

'Yes I am'

'Ok, I was kinda waiting for cab fare'.

I stopped dead in my tracks; one leg inside my shokoto and the next on the floor. 'Jisox, cab fare ke?' I though to myself alarmed. That wasn't part of the plan na.

'How much would you need for cab fare?' I asked, forming capable yet dreading her response.

'Just five thousand naira'.

'Five what?!?' I screamed.

'Five thousand naira' she answered looking me boldly in the eye. I scratched my head.

'I have just three thousand on me. Can you manage it?' I said, handing her the money and trying not to show my anger.

'I'm sure I can manage it' she said, collecting and pocketing it. I sat down, waiting for her to leave.

'Won't you escort me?' she said.

'No' I answered her point blank. After drying me out of bodily fluids and my money, she still wanted me to 'escort' her. Mschew!!!.

She looked squarely at me for about 2 minutes and I started to get uneasy. May be I should actually try to escort her, I mean....

'Ok' she said, interrupting my thoughts. She picked her things and stepped out. 'Call me' she said just as I closed the door behind her.

'Call ko, Call ni' I muttered to myself, feeling the anger bubble over. Just then my phone rang, distracting me. I picked it up.

'Guy how far? You dey free Friday night? Job dey..'

Aha! Now this is what I'm talking about....

My name is Ebuka and I’m a Lagos photographer.