Are You Ready for Marriage or Just Feeling the Pressure?

At some point in your 20s or early 30s, “settling down” stops sounding like a sweet idea and starts sounding like an urgent assignment.

Suddenly, everyone around you is getting engaged. Your mum is casually dropping, “Your mates are marrying, and your age mate in Kaduna is pushing out her 12th child.” The oversabi aunties and uncles are asking, “So when is it your turn?” 

The pressure is real, but the huge question is: Are you actually ready for marriage or just feeling pressured?

Because there’s a huge difference between wanting commitment and rushing into marriage because life feels like it’s moving faster than you are, or because you are of ‘marriageable age’.

Read Next: Here are the parts of Igboland where a woman can marry a wife

For some people, settling down means marriage. For others, it means moving in together, building a long-term partnership, having kids, or simply choosing stability.

The thing is, settling down is more about reaching a certain level of readiness emotionally, financially, mentally, and lifestyle-wise than about hitting a certain age. 

So, the question for you is this: what does settling down mean to you? Because you can’t know if you’re ready if you don’t even know what you’re preparing for. 

Read Next: Love or Liability? 9 Financial Red Flags That Can Ruin Your Marriage (Even Before It Starts)

Sometimes, that feeling of readiness is based on your anxiety. Here are the clearest signs you might be reacting to pressure.

If your main motivation sounds like:

• “I’m not getting younger.”

• “What if I miss my chance?”

• “Everyone else is married already.”

You’re panicking, and you need to take a chill pill. 

Read Next: The Daily Habits That Help Our Team Feel Less Anxious

Be sincere and ask yourself if you truly want marriage or the wedding pictures, the ring, the status, the IG content ‘serenren’ and the “finally”?

Because outside of the pleasant aesthetic, it’s waking up every day and choosing the same person, even when life is boring, stressful, or hard.

Read Next: What you should know about him before accepting that proposal

Everyone and their father is tired of the dating pool, so you’re not the only one feeling it. The ghosting, the endless talking stages, the unserious people clothed in bright red flags… it can be exhausting.

But exhaustion is not a reason to commit because the tiredness you feel being single is nothing compared to the insanity that comes with marrying the wrong person. 

Sometimes the pressure comes from comparison. Singleness can feel like failure when your friends are having babies, buying houses, and posting anniversaries.

Read Next: 8 important medical tests every couple MUST take before marriage

Pressure makes people tolerate things they normally wouldn’t. You start excusing all manner of red flags from disrespect, incompatibility, emotional unavailability, abuse and lack of effort, all because you want to “finally settle down”.

Read Next: Is It a Red Flag Or a Deal Breaker? 

The truth is that you know when someone is ready. It shows in their finances, career, lifestyle, mindset, and emotional stability.

This means you can handle communication, conflict, compromise and commitment.

You’re not entering a relationship/marriage expecting it to heal you. You’re not expecting to be miraculously transformed into a better you. You’re not expecting your partner to take you as you are, like they’re a rehabilitation centre. 

Rather, you’re entering it as a whole person, ready to build with someone else.

Read Next: 12 Green Flags in a Relationship That Mean You’ve Found a Good One 

Nobody has life completely figured out, but someone ready for marriage understands their spending habits, can budget and isn’t drowning financially. They can contribute to a shared life without feeling resentful. 

Love is sweet, yes, but bills are sour, and if you’re not financially capable, that love can quickly disappear faster than a politician’s promise after being elected to a position. 

Read Next: When the Math Isn’t Mathing: How to Get Your Finances Back on Track 

You don’t need to have your dream job already. But you should have a sense of what you’re building, what matters to you and how a partnership fits into your life.

If you still feel completely lost about your next steps, you’re not ready. A partner is not a replacement for purpose.

This one is underrated. Many people want to get married while maintaining the lifestyle of a single person. It simply doesn’t work that way. You shouldn’t even wait till you’re in a relationship or marriage before you start to adjust. 

Before you commit, ask yourself: Do I actually live like someone ready for partnership? Settling down requires a lifestyle shift, and frankly, not many are prepared for it. 

Read Next: How to get a divorce in Nigeria (step-by-step process) 

The healthiest sign of readiness is this: You’re not looking for someone to save you. Not from loneliness. Not from family pressure. Not from insecurity. You want someone to share life with, not someone to complete your life.

This is the biggest difference. When you’re ready, settling down feels like expansion. But when you’re pressured, it feels like you’re surrendering at gunpoint.

Read Next: How to Keep the Spark Alive in a Relationship or Marriage

If you’re unsure, sit with these.

• If there were no societal timeframe, would I still want this?

• Do I genuinely like this person, or just the idea of commitment?

• Am I emotionally ready for responsibility, not just romance?

• Can I build a stable life with someone, not just a cute relationship?

• Am I doing this from peace or from pressure?

Your answers will tell you everything.

In all, a life partner is not something you choose because you are pressed. It’s something you choose because your life, mind, finances, and heart have made space for it.

So, do you feel truly ready to settle down, or are you just overwhelmed by the noise around you?